Playing hard to get is a way to get the instant advantage in nearly every relationship, be that personal or business. If you ever wondered why despite your meaningful contributions at work or at home you’ve been taken for granted, or why people you like never seem to stick around, while you couldn’t get rid of those you didn’t care for, this article is for you.
Playing hard to get is based on understanding of human nature. It is not about your colleagues, family or person you are interested in, it is about what YOU are doing. And this is the good news because you can change what you are doing and get different results.
Let us see what actions leaded to the unwanted results. Once you realize how these particular dynamics work, you can do all the right moves to get the treatment you want.
First of all, you failed to apply the law of scarcity, which says that what is plentiful is often unappreciated and what is rare and scarce is considered valuable. Think water and diamonds. Water is irreplaceable, but because it is easily available, it is cheap or even free. Diamonds are not a life necessity, but you are ready to pay your hard earned money for it because diamonds are rare. So, make conclusions. Do not be available at all times. You have other things to do. You have more fun things to do, or maybe even more important things to do. Leave early, find or make up the reasons to be absent from time to time. In other words, make them appreciate you when you are there and long for you when you aren’t with them.
Second, you behaved as if you are the one who needs them. You let them know that you are desperate for their approval and acceptance, as if there were no other options available to you. When you present yourself in such a manner, it is very difficult to see you as a treasure or a great catch. You gave them power to decide how you will feel about yourself, or how happy and/or confident you will be.
In your love relationships playing hard to get boils down to this: behave with the person you like the way you behave with the person you are not interested in. With someone you are not interested in you are very assertive — you may or may not pick up the phone; you see them only when there is nothing better to do. You don’t go out of your way to meet them. You look at them objectively, you have plenty of perspective. You do not justify their flaws and don’t settle for the things you don’t like. You are not deluding yourself. You don’t behave as if s/he is be-all end-all of your life. You live high quality life outside of the relationship. This attitude challenges them and makes them perceive you as more attractive. Now they want to win you over.
However, when playing hard to get do not forget one important point where lots of people do mistakes: You still need to take care how you make them feel. If you want them, you need to be a source of their pleasure. If you constantly hurt them, make them feel bad about themselves, they will eventually give up on you and leave you. To get what you want you need to make them feel there is hope, that they could possibly win you over. So, do not be rude or arrogant — be pleasant to be around.
The game doesn’t finish with commitment. To keep passion alive, you still need to be alert. Sure you can relax and experience closeness and intimacy, express your feelings. But only sometimes. You can’t stay in this state all your life, otherwise your partner is likely to get bored. This is why over and over again you return to a subtle version of playing hard to get. You have your career, you have your hobbies, you’ve got plenty of interests outside of the relationship. Your life is balanced. If you don’t do it, if you will be always available behaving like he or she is be-all end-all of your life, the person’s excitement of having you will diminish. Like water, you will be under-appreciated. Now he or she thinks you will be always there. Little by little the passion extinguishes and he or she doesn’t feel happy anymore. Life with you is not fun, it is boring and predictable. Some people may even start looking for someone else. To prevent that you need to introduce the element of uncertainty, just a touch of danger. One day you may be gone, so they better watch out how they treat you.
Contrary to what many people believe, this tactic is not about being hurtful, rather it is about making people excited about having you.