Gaslighting is a technique narcissists use to convince you that your perception of their abuse is wrong. It’s a way to persuade you that it’s all in your head; nevertheless, you continue feeling terrible and may even begin to question your own sanity.
There are many ways they could reach these goals; the test below lists some commonly used methods. The test may be a little long because we tried to include as many situations as possible, but it’s highly unlikely that all of these tricks will be used on you simultaneously.
This test is only a tool to help you analyze the situation, but it cannot tell you for sure what is happening in your life. If you checked any of the statements below, it’s better to discuss your issue with a trained professional who can listen to your specific examples of gaslighting and crazy-making and help you develop a strategy to restore your self-confidence and protect yourself.
Check all that apply:
1. I am often told that I am overreacting.
2. I walk on eggshells, terrified of causing the other person to become angry with me.
3. The other person always stresses that the problem is not their behavior but my reactions to their behavior.
4. The other person tends to sabotage my important events by arguing with me shortly before the event, not allowing me to sleep, or pressuring me to spend time with them or do something for them.
5. I am accused of being too suspicious and imagining things that aren’t there.
6. The other person is withdrawing from me while accusing me of being needy and clingy.
7. The other person ends any serious discussions before they even begin.
8. The other person always has their own version of events that is different from mine.
9. The other person succeeded in convincing other people in my life that I am the one to blame.
10. I actually begin to doubt my own judgment and perception.
11. Sometimes I bring up specific cases when the other person said or did something hurtful in the past, but they pretend that they don’t remember it.
12. The other person doesn’t want me to consult anyone else about our issues and generally wants me to be isolated.
13. I began to doubt some of my abilities that I had never questioned before.
14. I left the relationship in the past, but the other person convinced me that whatever happened was due to something I had done or because they were drunk or were having a bad day.
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15. I try to confront the other person regarding some of the hurtful things they do to me, but they usually end up talking a lot, and I don’t understand anything from what they say.
16. The other person doesn’t think my feelings are valid or important.
17. If I bring up a third party in a conversation, such as stating the third party’s opinion about something, the narcissist will ridicule me for even mentioning that person. They will ridicule that person and me for being stupid and inadequate.
18. After everything that happened with that person, I don’t feel confident at all.
19. I am constantly blamed for something or made feel guilty.
20. I am led to believe that my perception is wrong.
21. The other person yells at me, physically or emotionally abuses me, or otherwise makes me feel bad while telling me that it’s all my fault.
22. I don’t know how I used to function before I met this person; I now feel very insecure.
23. The other person always changes the story to suit their needs.
24. Some of their jokes feel like insults, but I can’t even protest because they will definitely tell me that I am crazy and imagining things.
25. I am often criticized for being too emotional.
26. Sometimes something really unpleasant happens between us, but I am told it’s just a misunderstanding.
27. Sometimes I find myself apologizing even when I clearly didn’t do anything to hurt the other person. I can’t function or go about my day if they are angry with me.
28. The other person projects their behavior on me. For example, they could begin yelling and then blame me for yelling, or they could behave negatively and then accuse me of being a negative person.
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