There are many reasons why someone might become emotionally unavailable, and there are different levels of emotional detachment.
For example, sometimes, we make a decision to give our best to family only and limit our emotional investment with other people. While your friends and colleagues may think of you as cold and detached, this isn’t true in your family relationships.
Other times, we may have too much on our plate and just need a break.
Or perhaps, you were hurt by other people and now find it hard to trust and become vulnerable again. You may not know how to deal with your own emotions, let alone other people’s emotions.
Finally, you could be a type 5 person, and this is how you roll (note that being type 5 doesn’t exclude the possibility of serious psychological issues or even personality disorders).
The quiz below is a tool for self-reflection. It is designed to help you identify potential issues and areas for improvement. It isn’t a diagnostic tool or professional advice; it’s important to seek professional help if you need it.
I tend to keep my emotions to myself.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t know how to support others when they are having a hard time.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I am not sure how to communicate my emotional needs to others.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I am not ready to meet my partner’s emotional needs.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
It’s difficult for me to be emotionally engaged with my family and friends.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t trust easily.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I am afraid of getting too close to others.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I avoid talking about feelings in general.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I struggle with expressing my love and care.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I distract myself with activities whenever I feel unpleasant emotions.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t want to make myself emotionally vulnerable.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I really don’t know how to connect with people.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I feel that people around me are too demanding of my time and emotional energy.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I am afraid that others will see my emotional side.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I try to avoid situations that involve strong emotional expression.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I hesitate to make plans with my friends because I don’t want them to confide in me, nor do I want to open up to them.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
It’s difficult for me to commit to a relationship.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t understand my own emotions.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
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I feel numb.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t feel comfortable having emotional conversations.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I find it difficult to be open in my relationships.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t know how to react when others express love to me.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I am not very interested in other people and don’t understand why they are trying to tell me about their affairs.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I already have too much on my plate and cannot attend to other people’s needs.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
Superficial relationships are sufficient for me.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t want to open up because I am afraid of losing self-control.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I feel detached from my partner.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I don’t feel invested in any of my relationships.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I lie when asked about how I feel.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I am emotionally distant from others.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
I avoid friends and relatives when they are going through a rough time.
Agree
Agree partially
Disagree
Your result will appear here.
Please note that the score split is very approximate and may be incorrect in some cases. This test is not a diagnostic tool. Do not make any conclusions regarding your mental health based on the results of this quiz.
0-15
Based on your answers, it doesn’t seem that you have any persistent issues with emotional unavailability. You are able to form close, intimate relationships and express your own feelings and emotions. However, this doesn’t mean that you don’t have moments where you find yourself unwilling to support others, usually due to too many demands and not enough time.
16-39
To score this high on this quiz, you must have agreed with more than a few statements. At times, you may feel detached from other people and even from your own feelings. This can negatively impact your relationships with others and your own well-being.
It’s important to understand why you feel the way you do, and it’s important to meet the emotional needs of your loved ones.
Consider the statements that you agreed with – these are areas for improvement.
Keep in mind that this test is not a substitute for professional evaluation and may be inaccurate. However, if you think you may be struggling with expressing your emotions or pushing others away by being emotionally unavailable, it’s recommended that you seek professional help.
40-62
You checked quite a few statements, and there is a lot of room for improvement.
More often than not, you may feel disconnected and unavailable, which can leave others feeling rejected and alone.
While there are certainly enough people who are emotionally needy and too demanding of our time and energy, it is important to support your close friends and family members.
It is possible that you yourself don’t feel very good and are unable to support others, or that someone took advantage of you in the past and you have been unable to recover from the shock and now find it difficult to trust and open up again.
If you think any of this is accurate, it is recommended that you discuss it with a therapist or psychologist for an accurate evaluation and help if needed.
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