Are you needy? Are other people ignoring you? Are you caring or clingy? Are you a little too invested in other people’s business?
The test below is an attempt to answer these questions. While no test is perfect, at the very least, it may help you become more self-aware. Like all other tests on this site, this site is provided for educational purposes only and cannot be used as a diagnostic tool.
It’s important for me that people who receive my assistance know about my involvement.
True
Partially true
False
I feel slightly embarrassed when people praise me.
True
Partially true
False
I give unsolicited advice.
Often
Sometimes
Rarely
I am looking for love.
Agree strongly
Agree slightly
Not necessarily
I am genuinely concerned for other people (and not just because I need to be likable).
Definitely true
Not always
False
I am told I am overly dramatic.
Often
Sometimes
Rarely or never
In conversations with my friends or my significant other, I often talk about how important our relationship is.
Agree
Agree slightly
Disagree
I am overly sensitive to criticism.
Always
Sometimes
Rarely or never
I must admit I secretly like it when other people are in crisis because it allows me to help them.
Agree
Agree slightly
Disagree
I avoid introducing my friends to each other out of fear of being left behind.
Always
Sometimes
Never
I spend a lot of time fantasizing about “fixing” an emotionally damaged person.
Agree
Unsure
Disagree
Helping others without asking for anything in return gives me a sense of satisfaction.
True
Partially true
False
I talk a lot about my feelings and good intentions.
Agree
Agree slightly
Disagree
To be honest, I use my poor health to get other people’s attention.
True
Partially true
False
I take care of others without compromising my well-being.
True always
True most of the time
False
I need reassurance of other people’s love and loyalty.
Always
Often
Rarely or never
I regard newly met people as friends rather than acquaintances.
Always
Sometimes
Rarely or never
I get jealous of my partner’s friends.
Agree strongly
Agree slightly
Disagree
I don’t hesitate to ask very personal questions because I believe I can help.
Often
Occasionally
Rarely or never
I believe I can win over my romantic interests by being nice to them.
True
Somewhat true
False
I need to be to be that special friend that people confide in.
True
Somewhat true
False
I tend to fall in love with broken people.
Agree strongly
Unsure
Disagree
I want to be needed.
True
Somewhat true
False
People accuse me of meddling in their affairs.
Often
Sometimes
Rarely or never
I am jealous of my friends spending time with their other friends instead of me.
Always
Sometimes
Never
I constantly check in with my friends / loved ones on the phone.
True
Somewhat true
False
I feel like I must be a priority in other people’s lives.
True
Somewhat true
False
0-6 Emotionally independent
You aren’t needy or clingy. Your love is unconditional, and you aren’t afraid to love without being loved back in return.
Things you give others — your time, your love, your attention, your assistance, gifts — don’t feel like a burden because it’s clear that you share all of these things with others without expecting anything back.
Your love is free, and you don’t need to control others or make them feel indebted to you — they are free to respond or not.
You realize that some relationships aren’t always meant to last, and sometimes people may grow apart. Some people develop, change and grow on their own terms, which may mean you can’t be as close as you once were.
You don’t attempt to control the situation and just let things be. You know how to focus on yourself without being selfish, and because you don’t need relationships to feel complete, your happiness doesn’t depend on getting love from others.
The above holds in all of your relationships — romantic relationships, family relationships, and relationships with your friends and colleagues. You are a self-sufficient and emotionally independent person.
7-19 Some reservations
Many people fall into this category. You aren’t precisely needy or clingy, but you have some of the tendencies described below (see “Hungry for Love”). Being honest with yourself and acknowledging your issue is the first step to improving your relationships.
20-54 Hungry for love
People who score here often tend to focus on making others dependent on them.
While they may believe they have their best interests at heart, this dependence is usually achieved by making people feel indebted and uneasy. Obviously, this is not how most people want to feel!
If you scored in this range, you may see yourself as a helpful and caring person. You are likely spending a lot of time doing things for others, solving their problems, and sharing your time and money with them.
However, if you expect something in return — e.g., spending time with you, loving you, never leaving you, etc. — then your help isn’t free, and people can sense something isn’t right.
This tendency can negatively affect your relationships, and generally, your relationships tend to unfold according to one of the following scenarios:
- As a people pleaser, you attract users and abusers. They will gladly accept your assistance, but your relationship with them will never be satisfying or healthy.
- Healthy and independent types eventually pick up on your ulterior motives and begin to avoid you. Once again, your needs remain unmet.
- There is a third scenario: a relationship with another emotionally needy person or someone with serious issues, perhaps an addict. Unfortunately, codependent relationships aren’t healthy either.
Now the question is why? Why would you do that? Usually, it’s the belief that making people dependent on you is the best way to keep them around. It may give you a sense of control over your relationships. However, this approach doesn’t work very well.
Another possible reason is that you believe you are flawed in some way, and you try to overcompensate for your perceived flaw by doing things for others instead of letting them take care of themselves.
Fear of abandonment could be another possible cause.
People with a Type 2 personality often get caught up trying to do things for others even when they don’t want it.
Enneagram Type 2: The Altruist
Enneagram Test Type 2: Top 100 Signs You Are a TWO
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can help you change your thinking patterns. CBT is a goal-oriented approach that doesn’t focus much on your past. Instead, CBT practitioners teach you to think and feel differently.
It is very effective for anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and relationship issues. You can try online CBT risk-free by visiting this link.
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Online CBT Platform to Help Deal with Relationship Problems, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, and More. Includes professional follow-up by a CBT therapist. Click here to get started.