Narcissists, by definition, are some of the most frustrating people to deal with. Their behavior can be so confusing that perfectly healthy individuals may start questioning their own sanity after being around them for a while.
While there are certainly red flags, including these 10 major signs you are dating a narcissist, things are not always so clear-cut.
It is not always a matter of checking items off a list. If you are in doubt, try to focus on your overall experience with this person. The ultimate question is: How does that person make you feel?
Does your heart ache constantly?
Are you experiencing a new kind of anxiety you never had before?
Do you feel deceived?
Are you waiting by your phone for calls and texts for hours? The same calls and texts that your partner used to initiate much more often, but no longer does?
Has your partner suddenly pulled away?
Do you constantly feel on edge?
Do you spend a lot of time analyzing your partner’s behavior?
Do you feel you need to hide perfectly normal parts of your life to avoid dealing with narcissistic rage?
Do you spend a lot of mental energy preparing to defend yourself from hypothetical attacks by your partner?
Your answers will tell you a lot.
The simple truth is that if someone makes you feel bad, they are not right for you. It does not matter whether your partner is a narcissist, sociopath, or some other toxic type. There will be no happy life together if the relationship does not feel right.
Why It Is So Hard to Let Go
Giving up on what you thought was “ideal” love is always hard, but it is particularly hard when you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
Narcissists trick people into falling in love with them by grooming them first, idealizing them, and feeding them fantasies of a perfect romance straight out of a movie.
Perhaps you even feel guilty for rejecting someone who was not as romantic but was genuine in favor of the narcissist.
A part of growing up is realizing that obsessive love promoted in popular culture is never healthy in real life, even when narcissism is not involved.
At this point, you are likely to blame yourself and feel stupid for being so naive. Your self-esteem and self-respect are likely to take a hit. You may begin to pick yourself apart, relentlessly criticizing yourself.
Do not do it.
Regardless of the narcissist’s intentions, your love was real. When narcissists are grooming a new target, they use a manufactured persona that is charming, passionate, romantic, and deeply attentive.
You fell in love with that fake person. There is nothing surprising or “stupid” about it.
Once you are hooked, they reveal their real abusive, manipulative, arrogant, and controlling persona. If they had shown their real face from the beginning, you would not have fallen for it.
Falling in love with someone who seemed amazing was logical and natural. It is not your fault that someone tricked you into believing they were that person.
Now that the masquerade is over, you are responsible for taking care of yourself and moving on as quickly as possible.
Getting Help After a Narcissistic Relationship
Recovering from a narcissistic relationship can take time. You may need to rebuild your confidence, understand what happened, and learn how to trust your own judgment again.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, may be a helpful option if you are dealing with anxiety, obsessive thoughts, self-blame, or emotional confusion after the relationship.
CBT is a practical, goal-oriented form of therapy that can help you notice unhealthy thinking patterns, challenge them, and gradually respond to your situation in a healthier way.
You can look for a CBT therapist in your area, ask a counselor about CBT-based methods, or choose an online therapy option that connects you with a qualified professional.
If you feel overwhelmed, unsafe, or unable to cope, do not try to handle everything alone. Reach out to a mental health professional, a trusted person, or a local support service.
You may also like:
- All about narcissists
- Narcissists and the No Contact Rule
- Raised by a Narcissistic Mother
- Well-wisher or Narcissist? People Who Feed Off Drama
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