I don’t hesitate to tell off people when they are being unreasonable.
Agree
Disagree
I keep others happy at my own expense.
Agree
Disagree
I avoid putting others down to feel better about myself.
Agree
Disagree
I criticize other people’s behavior or work.
Agree
Disagree
I resent some of the closest people in my life.
Agree
Disagree
Asking others to satisfy my needs feels uncomfortable.
Agree
Disagree
Generally, I lack control over my life.
Agree
Disagree
If I am upset about something, I express my feelings directly to the people involved.
Agree
Disagree
I am being taken advantage of by some of the closest people.
Agree
Disagree
I can’t give constructive criticism without sugarcoating.
Agree
Disagree
I don’t know how to say “No”.
Agree
Disagree
I often gossip about people close to me (e.g., friends or significant others) because I don’t feel secure enough to discuss it with them directly.
Agree
Disagree
I avoid discussing what really bothers me.
Agree
Disagree
I complain about customer service.
Agree
Disagree
I openly express my irritation.
Agree
Disagree
I can’t express my honest thoughts and feelings.
Agree
Disagree
I confront line-jumpers without hesitation.
Agree
Disagree
I set and sustain healthy boundaries.
Agree
Disagree
I stand up for myself if I need to.
Agree
Disagree
15-20: HIGH
You have a high assertiveness score. It means that in most cases, you do not hesitate to express your needs.
Even if you are highly assertive in most situations, there still could be situations in which you might find it challenging to be assertive. This is natural and expected.
Important: Watch out for aggressive tendencies.
Being assertive is different from being aggressive. Some people tend to get carried away, stating their wants and needs without realizing that they are hurting and intimidating others.
8-14: AVERAGE
You have an average assertiveness score. You are likely to communicate openly and honestly, without intimidating others and without putting yourself down or dismissing yourself.
You feel comfortable giving constructive criticism, and you are genuinely interested in other people’s opinions. When faced with a disagreement, you are ready to explore solutions that satisfy both parties.
0-7: LOW
You have a low assertiveness score. There could be many reasons why you adopted an unassertive mode of communication. It could be that
- You grew up with an aggressive parent or relative and learned that expressing yourself isn’t always a good idea.
- You may have spent a lot of time around more aggressive friends or partners, so you have learned to stay under the radar.
- You may have decided that expressing yourself and asking for your needs to be fulfilled is an impolite thing to do.
- You may have been taught that negative emotions should be suppressed.
- You are afraid that by being assertive, you will ruin important relationships in your life.
You may find yourself
- apologizing a lot
- putting yourself down
- dismissing yourself often
As a result, you may feel very resentful, stressed, angry, and insecure.
In some cases, people who score low on assertiveness may use passive-aggressive behaviors, such as
- gossiping
- avoidance of direct and clear communication
- blaming others
- playing the victim
Not all people who struggle with assertiveness use these behaviors, but some of them do.
Realizing what you do and why you do it is the first step to correcting the problem. Working with a counselor or following a high-quality assertiveness course will improve things even further.