Before we get started with breaking up tips, keep in mind this – love by its nature tends to come and go. There will be times when you feel so much in love that it feels you are about to melt away. There will be times when it will be more like a solid friendship.
Moreover, the intensity of your feeling is really more about you than the other person. Have you ever fallen in love with someone who wasn’t your type, wasn’t at your level or didn’t even seem handsome on rational level? Many of you did. Matters of love and passion are affected by so many things, your hormonal balance is one of them. When it’s time for love you will love.
While it’s natural for love and passion to slowly fade away over time, you will still experience some periods when you seem to love your partner more than before. All this is normal and nothing to worry about. You don’t have to break up just because you don’t feel exactly same way as you felt first week you met.
If you are married and if you have children, you have even more reasons to think well before breaking up. Many a time people regret breakup or divorce. Make sure this won’t be your case.
And still… Sometimes you know it’s necessary. Sometimes you are obviously not happy or even disgust from your partner. If this is your case, then these breaking up tips are for you.
When it comes to breakup, some of the common concerns you might have are:
- how to tell?
- how to deal with his reaction?
- where to live?
- what about property and money?
- and of course children?
Some of these questions have been answered on this site. Explore our pages on breakup and divorce here.
Before we start, if you feel anxious about this conversation listen to this download several times before you talk to your partner. For optimal results you should be listening to it for 21 consecutive days.
First and the most obvious question is “how to tell?” This will be one of the toughest moments for both of you for sure. Your partner may already suspect something, which would usually make things easier, but also may be completely ignorant. Dealing with his reaction and possibility of verbal and physical abuse are real concerns for some.
The issue is that even if your partner was never abusive, telling him you want to break up on neutral territory is almost always better. The reason for that is that you don’t know what to expect. You should expect unexpected from yourself and from him.
While you shouldn’t punish others by making them witness your breakup and hear every word, you still could meet somewhere where people see you but can’t hear. The presence of other people will force your partner to pull himself together and behave according to socially acceptable standards. We went into more details in this article.
While it’s hard to sugarcoat your message, you still can make an attempt to boost your partner’s self-esteem by offering something that is sometimes referred as “criticism sandwich”. Criticism sandwich is a psychological technique that is used to deliver unpleasant information while minimizing negative feelings. The formula is as follows:
- another compliment.
This wasn’t originally meant for breaking up, but you can take an advantage of this technique to minimize the impact.
For example, you can start by telling how great it felt when you first met and what you liked about your partner. The more words you use here, the better. Tell him how handsome and smart he is. Tell him you expect him to be successful in life. You don’t have to lie, simply try to really see him in positive light. Aim to boost his self-esteem. Use as many words as you possibly can.
Now tell him that while you still see him same amazing, something has happened inside of you and you don’t feel same way about him anymore. Don’t say things like “It’s not you it’s me”, but still deliver similar message. Remember we said in the beginning of this article your feelings to your partner are more about you than him? It’s true. It’s possible to fall out of love completely even if your partner didn’t change. Instead of blaming him emphasize this.
Many professionals will advise you to explain precisely why you want to end the relationship. This may be a good idea in some cases, but in many cases it will only lead to unnecessary pain. Your partner will likely convince you he will change and you will lose many more months or even years, not having courage to start the conversation again.
Don’t use too many words here, but deliver your message clearly.
Now it’s time for another compliment. You can end with something positive like thanking him for everything, thanking him for understanding things correctly and giving him another compliment; just make sure you sound sincere.
Tell him you have to go somewhere and quickly walk away.
If you were in long-term relationship, read this.
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