Emotional abuse is not always obvious, especially when it develops gradually. This checklist can help you recognize behaviors that may be concerning in a relationship.
Check all that apply:
You are told that you are too sensitive.
They hit you or threaten you physically.
They call you names.
They gesture aggressively near your face.
They show no understanding of your feelings.
They often ridicule you.
They question your credibility.
They always find a way to turn the conversation back on you.
They always make you jump through hoops.
They yell at you.
They play hot and cold.
They undermine your self-confidence.
They make important decisions that affect you without consulting you.
They throw things or pound their fists.
They start arguments for seemingly no reason.
They say or do hurtful things just to get a reaction out of you.
You gradually realize you cannot trust them.
They embarrass you in public.
They blame you for their problems.
They cancel plans you have made together.
They accuse you of things you have not done.
They have very high expectations of you but put in no real effort themselves.
They treat you very differently in public than they do in private.
They threaten to leave.
They make fun of your friends or family.
They try to guilt-trip you.
They make you look foolish.
They pressure you to apologize constantly, even when you have done nothing wrong.
They twist the facts and insist your memory of events is wrong.
They sometimes disappear for a while to punish you.
They pressure you into paying their bills or handing over your money, property, or belongings.
They make fun of your appearance.
They act as if your feelings are not important or valid.
Whenever you try to address their inappropriate behavior, they dismiss you.
They do not want to discuss relationship issues with you.
They threaten to harm themselves — or actually do so — to make you worry or to control your behavior.
Not every behavior on this list is necessarily abusive on its own. The context, frequency, and overall pattern matter.
Abusers are not always romantic partners. They can also be family members, bosses, colleagues, classmates, or even friends. Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is important because victims often do not understand what is happening at first. It may take time to realize that they are being abused.
Even if you checked only one or a few boxes above, it may be worth discussing the relationship with someone qualified to help. If these behaviors happen regularly, or if you feel afraid, controlled, isolated, or unsafe, consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, domestic abuse support service, or another trusted source of help.
If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services or leave the situation as safely as you can.
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