Regardless how long you’ve been together, ending a relationship is never going to be easy. It feels terrible on both ends, whether you are the bearer of bad news or if you are the one to be dumped. Looking for suggestions on how to end a relationship as quick and as painless as possible is a good move, however we are all very different and general tips may not work in your situation very well.
Conventional advice for better ending says:
- Tell them you have something important to discuss.
- Meet in a private space, like your home. Definitely not in public.
- Get to the heart of the matter and tell them why.
- While you should tell them why you are leaving you should not give them opportunity to promise you to change.
- Leave financial issues for later.
And here are conventional don’ts:
- Don’t break up over the phone or by text message.
- Don’t ask someone else to deliver your message for you.
- Don’t just disappear.
While there is nothing wrong with this advice, there are a lot of times when this won’t be the best choice. What you really need to do is to evaluate yourself and your partner and create your own scenario that is more likely to work for both of you. After all, you’ve been together for a while and must be able to predict reactions of your partner at least with some degree of accuracy.
Let’s take first point for example, it says “Tell them you have something important to discuss”. When you tell someone you have something important to discuss, they start wondering and worrying what you are up to. These hours of ruminating and worrying about something like this are usually worse than the moment of breakup itself. So considering the fact you want to minimize pain, how does this fit in the picture?
Meeting in private space can have its own issues also. First of all, some people may become aggressive (both men and women) and may attack you physically. If there is a slightest chance that your partner will attack you or become verbally abusive don’t do it in private space.
While breaking up in front of family and friends might be indeed not a good option, being simply outside where you are seen (not heard) is not that bad idea after all. When we are home by ourselves we tend to lose it sometimes, but when you know you are seen by others you will make an effort to hold your impulses. You are much less likely to yell or physically assault your partner.
Goodbye text messages or letters are considered to be bad manners, but is that really true? Ending a relationship is never easy but goodbye text message or letter doesn’t make it harder. In fact, some people may prefer it. This allows them greater privacy they might need to get over hard feelings. After all, you are not going to stay and there is no other option.
Some partners will blame you for being coward and not being able to tell it in their face, but this type of people will blame you in any situation no matter what you do. There are others who will be thankful for choosing a text message or letter over eye to eye conversation as it might have saved them from embarrassing themselves or crying in front of you.
Be reasonable. You know yourself. You know your partner. Try to imagine how things will go and predict your partner’s reaction. Adjust your strategy accordingly. If you are feeling anxious download this mp3 here to prepare for your breakup. Remember, if you know you are going to break up anyway postponing doesn’t make you or your partner any favors.
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