The ENFJ personality type is probably one of the most romantic of all the sixteen types (it has been discussed here). ENFJs are fond of the idea of love, and when they fall in love with someone, they fall very deeply. They are absolutely willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work, and even smallest relationship troubles may leave them devastated.
What some may find particularly difficult when dealing with the ENFJ is that ENFJs tends to idealize their relationships and their partners. This may stress out some other types who feel like they can’t meet their high expectations.
Online CBT Platform to Help Deal with Relationship Problems, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction and More. Includes professional follow-up by a CBT therapist. Click here to get started.
If you aren’t sure about your personality type, you may want to take this test first.
Before we begin, it’s important to mention that you don’t have to avoid certain personality types just because you don’t have much in common. Even if you are two completely different people, you can make your relationship work if you learn about each other’s preferences and commit to being considerate and respectful of each other’s needs.
ENFJ and ENFJ Compatibility
Ah, who can understand you better than somebody of your own type! ENFJ and ENFJ relationship MUST be wonderful because both consider their relationship a priority and both are willing to work to make it even better.
Energetic and productive ENFJ & ENFJ couples enjoy planning their future together, are supportive of each other and feel particularly secure because they can trust each other.
On the negative side, they might have issues because both are quite stubborn and feel very strongly about things. If their opinions clash, none of the two may be willing to compromise. To make things worse, both have a tendency to avoid confrontation and leave things unsaid for the sake of “peace”. Of course this doesn’t feel good and may undermine their connection with each other.
ENFJ and INTJ Compatibility
ENFJs and INTJs connect in several ways:
- Both love intellectual stimulation. They observe the world and try to understand why things are the way they are, trying to figure out less than obvious connections between things.
- They like to plan things and are not good at “living in the now”.
- Both like to be productive and enjoy setting goals and working towards them.
Problems may arise due to their different priorities. As it was mentioned above, the ENFJ’s priority is his or her personal relationship. The INTJ, on the other hand, is the most independent personality type that is mostly concerned with their intellectual pursuits and career. The INTJ may not give as much attention as the ENFJ requires, leaving their ENFJ partner bitter and disappointed.
ENFJ and ESTP Compatibility
Energetic and expressive ENFJs are exactly what ESTPs are looking for. ESTPs see their partners as playmates — someone they could have fun with and avoid negativity as much as possible.
The ENFJ likes the ESTP’s outgoing style; they both enjoy socializing and are likely to have an active social life as a couple. They value the ESTP’s spontaneity, adventurousness and generosity.
The ESTP, on the other hand, appreciates the ENFJ’s warmth, authenticity and kindness. ESTPs are very enthusiastic and high energy partners like ENFJs are perfect for them.
On the negative side, the ESTP tends to get bored easily, and if the ENFJ fails to keep things interesting, the ESTP may choose to have an affair. To make things worse, the ENFJ avoids honest discussions and often fails to communicate his or her needs to the ESTP. Unfortunately, ESTPs aren’t the type that understands their partners’ deep feelings without it being spelled out to them.
ENFJ and ISTP Compatibility
These two don’t have much in common but that’s precisely what makes them so attractive to each other. ISTPs like optimistic people who don’t make life more complicated than it should be, and ENFJs may feel attracted to somewhat mysterious ISTPs. If they bond over a hobby or interest, they will probably end up married very soon.
One important thing to keep in mind is that the two communicate very differently. ENFJs are very verbal and expressive about their feelings while ISTPs feel like their partners should “just know” they are loved. ISTPs would rather show their feelings through actions, such as small gifts and physical affection.
Both the ENFJ and the ISTP never discuss their problems. ENFJs avoid direct confrontations for the sake of the relationship while ISTPs simply never discuss how they feel about their relationships with anyone, including their partners. This lack of communication may make the relationship less satisfying for both. The good thing is that both don’t give up on their relationship easily. The ISTP won’t dump his or her partner unless there are very serious reasons to do so, and the ENFJ won’t break up with someone who did nothing wrong.
ENFJ and ENTJ Compatibility
Both ENFJs and ENTJs are future oriented. They enjoy making plans, setting goals and reaching them. While the ENFJ’s focus is primary on his or her personal relationship, the ENTJ’s focus is on advancing his or her career or business. The ENTJ needs a stable partner who can take care of their relationship and family, and the ENFJ suits this role very well. The ENFJ, on the other hand, appreciates the ENTJ’s loyalty, strength, confidence, energy and leadership abilities.
Of course there is a negative side too: ENFJs tend to take everything personally and ENTJs can be very straightforward when expressing their opinions. What the ENTJ thinks is constructive criticism may sound very harsh to the ENFJ. The ENTJ, on the other hand, may think that the ENFJ constantly overreacts to everything, which is very tiring and distracting to the ENTJ.
ENFJ and INFJ Compatibility
These two have a lot in common and understand each other very well. Both value good communication, loyalty and self-expression. Both are sensitive, warm and affectionate. Their main difference is their introversion / extroversion, which implies that the ENFJ is much more sociable and energetic than the INFJ. In a sense, the INFJ can benefit from being involved in more activities and meeting more people, but the ENFJ has to be careful not to exhaust their partner with too much social interactions and too many plans.
The ENFJ partner has to be patient and allow the INFJ plenty of time to recover, be alone, think things through. Considering the ENFJ’s natural tendency to act quickly, waiting for the INFJ to make up his or her mind about something can be very frustrating. The INFJ, on the other hand, may feel that they are constantly pressured into something and that the ENFJ is always too busy to really focus and listen to what they have to say.
ENFJ and INFP Compatibility
ENFJ and INFP are a great match because both are very relationship focused. Both are very warm people who value authenticity and don’t like to play games. There is a lot going on for these two and we’ve already discussed that in detail here.
On the negative side, active and energetic ENFJs may be sometimes too much to handle for INFPs who need space and time for themselves. ENFJs, on the other hand, may think that INFPs are somewhat lazy and may resent them for being left with a disproportional amount of responsibilities and household chores.
ENFJ and ENTP Compatibility
ENFJs and ENTPs are very much alike: They are both spontaneous, fun-loving, energetic and outgoing. However, being the most introverted extravert, the ENTP is more assertive and needs some time alone. The two are likely to have interesting discussions and be very supportive of each other’s pursuits.
Problems may arise because of their different preferences when it comes to planning — the ENTP wants to keep his or her options open, but the ENFJ wants to plan things in advance. In addition, when it comes to relationships, ENTPs have commitment issues (more on that here) while ENFJs want to know where they stand.
ENFJ and ESTJ Compatibility
Finally, someone who can give the ENFJ a stable and secure relationship they are looking for! Yes, the ESTJ isn’t particularly romantic or sensitive, but
- They will not keep you hanging not knowing where the relationship is going.
- They will do whatever traditions require them to do — be that flowers or wedding, protecting and providing or cooking for the family — they are ready for it.
- They like their home tidy and organized — a big plus in the ENFJ’s book.
- They are so reliable!
ESTJs, on the other hand, are attracted to ENFJs’ warmth, optimism and original way of thinking.
On the negative side, the imaginative ENFJ may begin to feel bored with his or her ESTJ partner who is very down to earth. ENFJs want someone more romantic but ESTJs are naturally practical, logical and very businesslike.
ESTJs may have their doubts too: They may see their ENFJ partners as irrational and overly emotional. This is especially true when it comes to decision making. ESTJs make decisions after carefully analyzing all relevant data while ENFJs make decisions based on their feelings and personal values. Needless to say, such differences may result in a lot of arguments between the two.
ENFJ and ISTJ Compatibility
The ISTJ is another good option for the ENFJ. Despite the fact that the two are very different people, they make a good team because they are good planners and like to stay organized. When it comes to relationships, ISTJs are very similar to ESTJs (see above), so we will not repeat ourselves.
On the negative side, there may be lack of communication as the ISTJ partner doesn’t share his or her innermost thoughts and feelings. This doesn’t feel good on the ENFJ’s end who always wants to connect on a deeper level by discussing their feelings and emotions with their partner.
ENFJ and ESFP Compatibility
Energetic and fun-loving ESFPs may seem like a great match, but let’s be realistic — ESFPs have commitment issues and even when they commit, they tend to get bored and move in and out of relationships quickly. Although the two may have great time together in the beginning of the relationship, the ENFJ may begin to feel insecure later on. ENFJs want stable and secure relationships where they can trust their partners, but ESFPs aren’t always ready to provide that.
ENFJ and ESFJ Compatibility
The ESFJ is another great option for the ENFJ. ENFJ & ESFJ relationship can be very rewarding because both are very loyal, caring and relationship focused. ESFJs are friendly and talkative, so the two are likely to have lots of interesting conversations and active social life. Another huge plus: ESFJs are very organized people and like their homes orderly and well maintained — this is very important for the ENFJ.
Both the ENFJ and the ESFJ value harmony and are likely to work on their relationship. Moreover, they are likely to stay committed even when things get tough. Marriage is extremely important to both and especially to the ESFJ. ENFJ & ESFJ relationship is very stable and affectionate.
On the negative side, they may sometimes compete for airtime because both are extremely talkative. Another potential problem is their desire to avoid unpleasant conversations, which may leave some issues unresolved.
ENFJ and ENFP Compatibility
Although ENFPs are far from perfect partners, they are very compatible with ENFJs. They have lots of things in common, and a relationship with an ENFP is never dull or boring. However, there are important differences between the two, which may make the ENFJ partner very unhappy:
- ENFPs may have commitment issues, which is certainly not something ENFJs are looking for.
- ENFPs tend to generate lots of ideas and talk a lot, but when it comes to action, they tend to procrastinate or not do anything at all.
- ENFPs dislike chores and are terrible at cleaning and organizing.
- See 10 Ways ENFPs Annoy Others for more.
ENFJ and ISFP Compatibility
When it comes to relationships, both the ENFJ and the ISFP have similar values. They both want loyal partners who understand them and who they could have fun with. With that in mind, the likelihood of them ending up together and getting married is very high. ISFPs make very nurturing and supporting partners; they are also very romantic and are ready to give up on other important things for the sake of their personal relationships.
There is a negative side too: ISFPs are very spontaneous and like to go with the flow while ENFJs want to plan things and know exactly where they are going. The ENFJ may attempt to control the ISFP or express his or her dissatisfaction with the way the ISFP lives, which of course isn’t something the ISFP is going to appreciate. In addition, the ESFJ needs lots of social stimulation while the ISFP prefers quiet activities alone or with close friends.
ISFPs may find the ENFJs too intense, too bossy and controlling. They may feel like they are constantly pressing them into doing something they don’t want to do, which can be very off-putting for naturally considerate and respectful ISFPs.
ENFJ and ISFJ Compatibility
ISFJs actually derive pleasure from caring for others and are known for their high sense of duty — it’s not surprising that they will make great partners for any personality type, including ENFJs. Although ISFJs and ENFJs have more differences than similarities, their core values are similar — they prioritize relationships, want to be useful and respectable.
Problems may arise due to their different needs when it comes to social stimulation. Just like other introverted types, the ISFJ may find the ENFJ too loud and intense. The ENFJ, on the other hand, may find the ISFJ a little boring: In addition to being introverted, ISFJs resist change and avoid trying new things. They are also slow to take decisions because they need to think things over, which can be very frustrating ENFJs.
ENFJ and INTP Compatibility
ENFJs and INTPs don’t have much in common, but they both make loyal and committed partners. The ENFJ is fascinated by the INTP’s independence and creativity while the INTP is attracted to the ENFJ’s warmth, energy and optimism. If the two end up married, ENFJ partners have to be prepared to arrange and schedule common social rituals, such as attending other people’s weddings or courtesy visits, themselves because INTPs can’t be bothered with this type of activities. This is a huge problem for ENFJs who crave social experiences and enjoy meeting new people.
In addition, the INTP isn’t particularly talkative, and the ENFJ partner will constantly try to get them open up and share. Unfortunately, the INTP doesn’t appreciate the ENFJ’s efforts and ends up feeling nagged. To make things worse, the INTP is terrible at household chores and couldn’t care less about other people’s opinion about their housekeeping or the way they look, which doesn’t sit well with the ENFJ.
Once again, if you aren’t sure about your personality type, try taking this test.
Follow the author Follow @elgorsvan