Coping strategies: trying to be unique in order to be loved
Fundamental needs: self-expression, finding the missing part, wanting to feel complete
Other names: The Giver, The Artist, The Cheerleader, The Drama Queen/King, The Individualist, The Dreamer, The Romantic
The Enneagram personality test can be found here.
Fours Are Awesome. Here’s why:
They transform pain into beauty.
They have great taste.
They can be vulnerable and strong at the same time.
They are self-aware.
They are empathetic.
They are unique.
They are artistic.
They are passionate.
They are deep.
They are genuinely interested in other people’s thoughts and feelings.
They talk about love and beauty.
They are highly perceptive.
Wanting What They Don’t Have
One of Type Four’s defining characteristics is their intense yearning for the unavailable — distant friends, long-distance relationships, ideal lovers that only exist in the Four’s imagination.
Fours’ focus is either on past experiences or future possibilities, but their attention on the here and now is weak and intermittent.
Fours’ attraction to the unavailable brings them an enormous amount of suffering, but the reality is they want it that way.
Fours cannot be satisfied with shallow emotions and ordinary experiences. They want intensity, and they want to experience emotional highs and lows.
They want someone or something that can pull them out of their daily routine and make them feel alive.
At the same time, Fours are painfully aware that other less introspective people have much happier and satisfying lives. They are people who want what they have — something that the Four wishes to be able to do but can’t.
This fact of life may elicit different responses in different Fours.
To some Fours, other people’s happiness is just a reminder of their own lack. Some other Fours, however, may begin feeling envious towards others.
Not only do Fours crave extraordinary experiences, but they want to be special too. Obsessed with their desire to appear deep and unique, Fours craft their image carefully and don’t give in to group identity easily. The girl/boy next door image won’t do either.
Many Fours can be easily recognized by their unusual clothing styles. One of the Four’s biggest fears is the fear of being ordinary.
The Four tries to convey the idea that you are dealing with a special kind of person, perhaps one in a billion.
They want other people’s recognition and appreciation. They want to fascinate others to the point of obsession.
Fours are never tired of playing their roles. Excellent manners, refined taste, stylish clothes, luxurious setting, special mood — indeed, Fours can be very attractive.
But a relationship with a Four isn’t for everyone: They tend to take you for granted when you are available and fall in love with you when you are gone.
Because they find day-to-day reality incredibly dull, Fours always try to add more flavor to life in the form of drama, romance, creativity, and art.
Writing, painting, and other forms of art provide an emotional outlet for Fours; they add depth to the experience and keep Fours from getting bored.
Unlike many other types, Fours don’t shy away from their emotions. Be that sadness, pain, despair, loss, joy, or love — they want to feel it fully.
Because they experience emotions so profoundly, Fours can be very empathetic.
The Four’s emotional expressiveness and their ability to connect makes them highly desirable.
On the other hand, because people with this personality type depend on others to love and appreciate them, Fours are extra sensitive to rejection and criticism.
Fours tend to get carried away with their emotions, and some other types may find the Four’s emotional intensity and drama tiring and distance themselves him or her as a result.
- too much drama and constant state of crisis
- too self-absorbed
- always unsatisfied
- they tell too many repetitive stories about themselves
- focus on the negative
- attention-getting behaviors
- overanalyzing relationships
- feeling bored, rejected and misunderstood
- acting desperate and needy
- feeling envious of others
Random Facts About Fours
1. Fours secretly enjoy being special. They invent myriad ways to be unique. Being “allergic” to common foods is one of them.
2. Fours feel that to deserve someone’s love, they need to be unique.
3. Young Fours are often into unconventional fashion trends.
4. Self-hatred and envy is a common problem in unhealthy Fours. When they are out of balance, Fours feel that everything positive, everything they want to have exists outside themselves.
5. Many Fours are incredibly romantic yet demanding. They dream of a perfect relationship, of someone who will come and rescue them from their boring life.
6. Another thing Fours dream about is being discovered. They fantasize that one day someone will recognize their true talents.
7. Fours are complex people and are very interested in self-improvement and self-help.
8. Fours are willing to listen to others’ problems and support them when needed. Unhealthy Fours can be very self-absorbed and insensitive, however.
9. Some Fours are even proud of their emotional suffering. First, it makes them feel special. Second, it’s a way to draw attention. Third, it makes them feel as if they are deeper and more sensitive than others, able to understand what others don’t.
10. Fours are generally more pessimistic than other types.
11. More than other types, Fours are more likely to enjoy sad songs and movies because it helps them feel their emotions even deeper.
12. Fours are often able to transform their negative experiences into something valuable.
13. Fours may not know who they are, but they certainly know who they are not. “I would never do such a thing!” is something they often say.
Jobs for Fours
- art teachers
- graphic designers
- fashion designers
The Four with a Five-Wing (4W5) is more introverted than the other subtype. They are more analytical and reflective, longing to be discovered for their unique qualities. More on 4W5 here.
The Four with a Three-Wing (4W3) is a more success-oriented subtype. They focus more on their appearance and are more extroverted than 4W5. More on 4W3 here.
- Michael Jackson
- Johnny Depp
- Angelina Jolie
Enneagram Type 4 and MBTI
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