ESTP and INFJ aren’t naturally compatible because of their different needs in the relationship:
- The ESTP isn’t into deep conversations and tends to avoid emotionally intense types like the INFJ. Generally speaking, the ESTP needs a playmate — someone to go to adventures with. More on this here »
- The INFJ, on the other hand, is a very emotionally intense type. They want to have deep and meaningful relationships, and they are very idealistic about love and relationships in general. If things don’t go as expected, they tend to become very disappointed and heartbroken.
Consider this, the ESTP may say things like:
- I want to travel.
- I want to flirt.
- I want to have fun.
- I don’t want to take things too seriously.
- I want to be spontaneous.
- I want someone who can help me escape the negativity of life.
- Too much daily routine is boring.
While the INFJ may say things like:
- I want to be cared for.
- I want to nurture.
- I want to feel connected to my partner.
- I want to confirm the existence of our bond.
- I want to give love and be loved.
- I want to have a meaningful relationship.
- My goal is harmony.
More ESTP and INFJ differences:
- The ESTP lives for the moment while the INFJ is future-oriented.
- The ESTP’s focus is directed toward people and things while the INFJ focuses on his or her internal world.
- The ESTP is consumed by the fear of missing out on life experiences while the INFJ prioritizes quality over quantity.
- The ESTP would be rather doing something than nothing because it helps distract themselves from overthinking and/or facing their issues, while the INFJ can’t function until they get in tune with their emotions.
Because they are so different, there is a lot of room for conflict:
- Money issues: INFJs tend to live modestly, carefully saving and investing their money while ESTPs are big spenders.
- Communication issues: whenever there is a problem, INFJs want to carefully think about everything then discuss it with their partners, while ESTPs tend to articulate things as they occur to them without considering how it may feel on the receiving end.
Although these two aren’t naturally compatible, it doesn’t mean that ESTP and INFJ can’t get along. Any two personality types can get along and have a satisfying marriage or relationship if they take time to learn about each other’s needs and preferences. And sometimes their differences is what makes their relationship stronger.
For example, INFJs have a lot of potential but they don’t readily articulate their thoughts and prefer to let their actions speak for themselves. It takes someone like the ESTP to help them express themselves fully — share their ideas, theories or things they find funny. This may help INFJs to realize themselves more fully and contribute more to the world.
Their different ways of looking at things can be a source of conflict on the one hand, but on the other hand, it makes the relationship more interesting and stimulating because they learn to experience things through each other’s eyes in ways they would normally not experience.
The ESTP can help the INFJ relax and enjoy life’s little pleasures a little more. The INFJ can make the ESTP’s life better by using his or her natural strengths that the ESTP lacks, such as planning and organizing.
To make ESTP and INFJ relationship work, the ESTP can help by
- becoming more considerate,
- slowing down a little to allow the INFJ partner to adjust,
- becoming more responsible when it comes to chores, parenting and financial issues,
- sharing the INFJ’s interests.
The INFJ partner can help by
- learning to relax and let go,
- stopping overthinking and overanalyzing the ESTP,
- giving the ESTP more freedom,
- sharing the ESTP’s interests.
If you aren’t sure about your personality type, try taking this test.
The 16 personality types main page can be found here.
Everything on the ESTP personality type here.
Everything on the INFJ personality type here.