Whether you want to appear a little more intriguing than you really are, seem a little more exciting than your actual self is, or you want to make someone realize how valuable you are by creating impression you actually have options and there are lots of things going on for you, this bag of tricks will prove to be useful.
Unfortunately, this will work for most people and in most situations – personal relationships or career. Why ‘unfortunately’? Because this doesn’t feel authentic, it IS somewhat fake and, although we are not intending to suggest something morally wrong, it’s really what it is – playing games.
Warning: This isn’t for everybody, and not everyone will appreciate your mystery. In addition, overdoing this may cause people to dislike you. Being mysterious is a subtle art and requires a certain level of understanding of people and a good judgement.
So what makes some people mysterious and intriguing? Well, there is a number of things they do, be that consciously or unconsciously. Most of the time their mysteriousness is a mere illusion and, as disappointing as it sounds, there is nothing too exciting behind their facade. On the other hand, it’s a type of illusion that can be reproduced quite easily.
You don’t have to do all that is listed below, and you don’t have to do it all the time, but sprinkling the spice of mystery here and there will add some color to your public persona.
Say less than necessary
Some people are talkative, some people are naturally quiet, but there is a certain minimum that is required for your statement to be considered complete. By saying less than necessary you leave a room for rumination and interpretation, making people wonder about you.
For example, when someone asks you: “Are you in a relationship?” what they really expect from you is not just “yes” or “no” but details. A satisfactory answer would be: “Yes, I am married” or “Yeah, I got engaged last month”. But if you say simply “Yes” without providing additional details, you create an awkward situation where person becomes curious about you but hesitates to ask.
When someone asks you “What do you do for living?”, you can give a general answer without giving specifics, for example “I am a businessman”. Businessman. That’s it. Many people will be dying to know more but will hesitate to ask partially because they don’t want to come across as curious, and partially because they aren’t sure what to expect from you if they asked for details. This little trick makes you instantly intriguing.
Practice strategic absence
If you are always present, people tend to get all too familiar with you and typically will appreciate you less. While you want to develop meaningful relationships, it still helps to make them crave for a little more of you. How do you get them crave for you? First, be present and show how great you are. Once they start liking you and enjoying your company, practice strategic absence. You are tired, a little busy, or better yet, you are on a trip. Sometimes you can even be absent with no good explanation (not too often — you don’t want to offend people). If you were really pleasant to be around, they will miss you and ask about you.
Leave early
Leaving early is another great attention-getter. Be fun and pleasant and then suddenly ask to excuse you and leave. This will prevent people from growing tired of your company.
Be unpredictable
You don’t have to do crazy things to be unpredictable. An unexpected comment, a hobby that doesn’t mesh with other people’s perception of you, unusual reaction – all work. What you basically do is
- create certain patterns / expectations, like any stable person would do and
- then break the patterns you created.
While you want to be unpredictable, you should realize there is a fine line between being amusingly unpredictable and psychotic. This has to be practiced with care, certainly not every day.
Do’s
Try to understand people, take a sincere interest in them, and you will be able to predict their behaviors with certain degree of accuracy.
Don’ts
Don’t be self-centered and egoistic. If you are, people will only feel relieved when you are gone and all your mysteriousness will go out of the window.
Online CBT Platform to Help Deal with Relationship Problems, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction and More. Includes professional follow-up by a CBT therapist. Click here to get started.
Follow the author Follow @elgorsvan