Self-esteem can be defined in several ways and, depending on how you look at it, ways to improve and build your self esteem will be slightly different. According to one definition, having good self esteem is to realize your strengths and weaknesses without exaggerating the effect of your weaknesses on your life and relationships.
Some people, particularly young people, seem to make assumptions about their looks or popularity without any solid evidence. In this context, low self-esteem would mean thinking that you are boring or ugly. Challenging this way of thinking would be a good way of dealing with this problem. If you had to argue your ugliness in a court, would you be able to prove it? And if not, then why do you think so?
The reason why you have low self-esteem is because you set unrealistic expectations for yourself or compare your reality with fantasy you see in movies. If you take some time to separate Hollywood fantasy from real world reality and understand what is realistic vs. what’s not, your self-esteem issues will be fixed on their own.
You could, of course, take steps to work on your style and begin to educate yourself to become more interesting. However, this will not help unless you are willing to let your perfectionism go. Stop being a perfectionist, then take steps to change yourself.
Oftentimes self-confidence and self-esteem are directly related to your sense of control over your life and environment. If, for whatever reason, you lack this control, you are more likely to have little confidence in yourself, feel helpless, depressed and frustrated.
Actual or perceived lack of control over your life and environment is often a result of one or several factors below:
- lack of money,
- lack of education,
- toxic relationships where you were abused mentally or even physically, possibly as a child,
- poor health.
While you should work on dysfunctional relationships and do everything you possibly can to improve your health, money and education issue is very similar to our example above. First, you have to become realistic about what you can achieve in terms of time and resources available, then take steps to improve your situation by reading books, taking additional classes or looking for new job.
Conclusion
Low self-esteem is a result of
- unrealistic expectations or even perfectionism,
- lack of control over your life or environment,
- psychological problems that resulted from dysfunctional relationships,
- health problems such as depression, borderline personality disorder or other mental disorders.
Setting realistic expectations, addressing emotional issues and health issues are the key to building self-esteem.
Additional tips
- Exercise. Exercise will make you physically and emotionally stronger. Very few things promote self-esteem as exercise does.
- Use self-hypnosis. When it comes to self-esteem, self-hypnosis can do wonders. This download is a good way to start.
Signs of Abusive Relationship – From Passionate Love to Tears and Terror
Online CBT Platform to Help Deal with Relationship Problems, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, and More. Includes professional follow-up by a CBT therapist. Click here to get started.