How to Build Self-Esteem

Self-esteem can be defined in several ways, and depending on how you look at it, the ways to improve and build your self-esteem will be slightly different.

According to one definition, having good self-esteem means being able to recognize your strengths and weaknesses without exaggerating the effect of your weaknesses on your life and relationships.

Some people, especially young people, make harsh assumptions about their looks, personality, or popularity without much solid evidence. In this context, low self-esteem might mean thinking you are boring, ugly, unlikable, or somehow not good enough. Challenging this way of thinking can be a good place to start. If you had to argue your ugliness in court, would you be able to prove it? And if not, then why are you so sure?

One reason you may have low self-esteem is that you set unrealistic expectations for yourself or compare your real life with the fantasy you see in movies, social media, or other people’s carefully edited public image. If you take some time to separate fantasy from reality and understand what is realistic and what is not, some of your self-esteem issues may become easier to handle.

You could, of course, take steps to work on your style, learn new things, and become more interesting. However, this will not help much unless you are also willing to let go of your perfectionism. Stop trying to be perfect, then take steps to improve yourself.

Oftentimes, self-confidence and self-esteem are directly related to your sense of control over your life and environment. If, for whatever reason, you lack this control, you are more likely to have little confidence in yourself and feel helpless, depressed, or frustrated.

Actual or perceived lack of control over your life and environment is often the result of one or several of the factors below:

• lack of money,
• lack of education,
• toxic relationships where you were abused mentally or even physically, possibly as a child,
• poor health.

While you should work on dysfunctional relationships and do everything you reasonably can to improve your health, the situation with money and education is similar to the example above. First, you have to be realistic about what you can achieve with the time and resources available to you. Then you can take steps to improve your situation by reading books, taking additional classes, learning practical skills, or looking for a better job.

Conclusion

Low self-esteem may be the result of:

• unrealistic expectations or perfectionism,
• lack of control over your life or environment,
• psychological problems that developed from dysfunctional relationships,
• mental health problems such as depression, borderline personality disorder, or other conditions.

Setting realistic expectations, addressing emotional issues, and taking care of health problems are key parts of building self-esteem.

Additional tips

• Exercise. Exercise can make you physically and emotionally stronger. Very few things support self-esteem the way regular exercise does.
• Practice relaxation or self-hypnosis. Relaxation recordings, guided imagery, or self-hypnosis may help you become calmer and less self-critical. They are not magic, but they can be useful when combined with realistic thinking and actual changes in your life.