Breakups, divorce, and rejection are often painful. When you cannot save the relationship, when there is nothing to save, or when saving it would not be wise, you need strength, support, and time.
But what if you were truly in love? How do you get over someone you really loved?
Time does heal, even when that feels difficult to believe right now. Here is how to help yourself cope with one of the hardest periods of your life and recover sooner.
Tell yourself it will pass
Because it will. Years from now, you may even look back on this experience with gratitude.
That might be hard to imagine right now, but it happens more often than you think. You may come out of this stronger, wiser, and more assertive. You may also become more likely to recognize a healthier partner in the future.
In fact, one day you may be scared by the thought of what could have happened if you’d stayed.
This may not make your pain disappear right now, but knowing that it is temporary can help you get through the day. There may be a better life ahead, even if you cannot see it yet.
Don’t bottle up your feelings
You may still have to drag yourself to work or school and act as if you are fine. But when you are alone, let yourself feel what you feel.
Do not try to stop every tear. Instead, write it out somewhere private. Use a notebook, a notes app, a private document, a voice memo, or any other tool that lets you be completely honest. The format does not matter. What matters is getting it out of your head.
Writing in a journal can be very therapeutic. When you put your thoughts and feelings on paper, or on a screen, your mind often begins to relax.
If you have never done this before, you may be surprised by how much better you feel after simply writing things down.
Some people, especially some men, have difficulty putting their feelings into words. As a result, they keep everything inside and suffer even more. If you find it hard to name what you feel, use this list of human emotions to help you write in your journal.
Another benefit of this method is that nobody has to know your private thoughts. You will not regret sharing something too personal or too embarrassing. Then, when you are over it, you can simply delete the file or close the notebook and move on.
Become physically active
Sports and physical activity can help you heal.
When you are playing tennis, walking, exercising, or taking a class at the gym, your energy and attention are focused on one task. It becomes harder to dwell on the same painful thoughts.
That is one reason exercise can make us feel more alive and present. Cardio exercise can be especially helpful, if it is safe and realistic for you.
If possible, look for something active enough to pull you out of your head: boxing-style cardio, dance fitness, spinning, HIIT, martial-arts-inspired classes, or anything else that feels engaging rather than punishing. The best option is the one you can actually do and repeat. Classes that involve strong movement can be especially useful when you need to release anger.
Be more social
Now that you have more free time for yourself, you can see your friends and family more often.
You may not feel like socializing, and that is understandable. Still, try not to avoid people completely. Anything that helps you focus outside yourself can be useful right now.
Avoid idleness
Being idle does not help anyone, even people with no particular problems in their lives.
When we have too much empty time, the mind can turn against itself. It may exaggerate our problems, replay painful memories, or look for new reasons to feel bad.
Consider counseling or therapy
There is a lot of helpful information online, and there are many good books on this subject. But sometimes information is not enough to change the way you feel.
Therapy can be an excellent way to deal with your emotions, especially if you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unable to move on. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, can be especially useful because it teaches people to notice and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns.
The point is not to pretend you are fine. The point is to understand what is happening inside you and learn healthier ways to respond to the pain.
Practice self-hypnosis
Self-hypnosis, guided relaxation, or similar audio sessions may help some people calm their thoughts and redirect their attention. It is not a magic cure for heartbreak, but it can be a useful tool when your mind keeps returning to the same person again and again.
For best results, choose something gentle and realistic, and use it consistently for a while. The goal is not to force yourself to stop caring overnight. The goal is to give your mind a calmer place to rest while you slowly rebuild your life.
Give it time
The saying that time heals is true. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you realize you feel better. That day will come.
Also see this post on how to deal with rejection.