How to Stop Worrying

“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.” This quote, often attributed to Glenn Turner, says it all. And still, we lose sleep, strain our health, and put pressure on our relationships by worrying about all kinds of things.

Most worries can be divided into three categories:

• something that could genuinely be an issue, but you can do something about it,
• something that could be an issue but is completely out of your control, no matter what you do,
• something that is not really an issue and doesn’t deserve your attention, yet you worry about it anyway.

Things you can control

An example of the first category is worrying that you are gaining too much weight. You worry, you lose sleep over it, but somehow never your appetite. You can obsess about it every day and every night, while still not being ready to do what it takes to manage your food intake and energy expenditure.

There are two possible solutions to this worry:

• you decide that you are okay with gaining weight, so you stop worrying,
• you decide to act on it by improving your diet and getting more exercise.

Problem solved. You either keep enjoying your meals and buy larger clothes, or you do what you need to do to lose the weight. What doesn’t make sense is continuing to eat large quantities of food while worrying about it the whole time. This way, you lose both: the body you want and the enjoyment that should come from eating delicious food.

Things you can’t control

In the first case, you have some control. But there are many other situations in life where you are mostly helpless. This type of worry includes worrying about the weather, war, stocks, and currency exchange rates. These worries can be hard to deal with, but the problem is that worrying won’t make things any better. In fact, it can make things worse, because fears tend to grow in our minds, and that stress can affect our health.

The good news is that there are two possible ways to handle this too. You can either:

• get off the ship,
• or imagine a positive outcome.

A little more than a year ago, I invested in gold. Prices were very high, and everyone expected gold to rise even more. Unfortunately, it began to drop about a week after my purchase. Each gold ounce became about $100 cheaper, and I had seven of them. I worried about it constantly. But I decided to stick to my decision and keep the gold until it rose again.

That didn’t happen. The price stayed about the same for an entire year. Eventually, I made peace with it and convinced myself that I hadn’t lost anything unless I sold my gold. As long as I still had my gold bars, I hadn’t really lost, right?

Well, it worked for a while. Then one day, the gold market crashed, and each bar became $300 cheaper. That was in addition to my initial loss. Now I had a real problem. I didn’t know what to do. Selling it would mean losing about $3,000. Not selling was scary too, because the price could fall even further. I kept checking gold prices every day, and it was making me sick. It felt terrible.

Then a friend told me, “Your gold isn’t worth your health. Sell it, accept your loss, and enjoy what you have left.”

Suddenly, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was. The next day, I sold the gold, lost $3,000, and immediately felt better because I was able to move on. I should have sold it earlier. Or maybe I shouldn’t have bought it in the first place, because this type of investment is not for everybody.

Gold continued to fall, and after a month, it began to rise. Do I regret selling it now that the price went up again? No. My peace of mind matters more. I only wish I had sold sooner, or never bought it at all.

By selling my gold, I got off the ship. Once I did, my health and peace of mind improved. But what do you do when getting off the ship is not an option? You imagine a positive outcome.

Most of the negative events you worry about haven’t happened yet. In many cases, it is your imagination that keeps the worry alive. If that is true, you can also use your imagination to calm yourself down. It doesn’t have to be perfectly realistic or based on facts. Almost any comforting scenario can work, as long as it gives your mind somewhere else to go.

For example, you could imagine winning a big prize or finding treasure in your garden. You could imagine a wild business idea suddenly taking off. It doesn’t have to be realistic, but it should be detailed enough to feel vivid. Try it and see whether it helps you relax.

The same technique can be used for the third type of worry, where your fears are exaggerated or when you worry about things that are unlikely to happen. For example, you might worry that people are staring at you and judging you. This can increase anxiety, which only makes you look and act more self-conscious.

Instead, imagine a positive scenario and play it in your mind to help yourself relax and feel more confident. If your imagination can make you miserable, it can also help you feel better. The key is to notice what is happening and gently redirect your imagination where you want it to go.