If you ended up on this page, chances are you suspect your spouse of infidelity. Clearly you are not feeling good right now and must be feeling lost, hurt or maybe even angry. Before we begin, you should understand that while infidelity warning signs mentioned below are very telling, they do not necessarily mean infidelity.
Another thing you should keep in mind is that many people who cheat on their spouses do not intend to divorce or leave them. Your spouse could be having an affair but most likely he doesn’t take it serious. Some people may get involved into affair when you are passing through hard time as a couple. Eventually, your issues get sorted and they get over it and become loving spouses they once were.
Having said that, there are some cases when affair isn’t just an affair and will eventually lead to divorce. Similarly, some people keep cheating on their spouses no matter what. They may not intend to leave you, but staying with them is probably not your idea of happy marriage.
One of the first warning signs you will notice is significant change in behavior, a type of behavior when your spouse is not being himself anymore. Usually this would mean paying more attention to his looks and buying new clothes and accessories. He will probably hit the gym to lose weight and gain muscle.
He will be very secretive about his cellphone. This is a very telling sign of infidelity particularly when he never worried about his cellphone before.
Another thing he could become secretive about is his iPad or his computer. He will not leave his iPad unattended anymore and may even set a new password so that you and children cannot access it without his permission. Like all other signs, this isn’t necessarily a sign of infidelity, but when you already have a suspicion for whatever reasons and when combined with other signs this can be very telling.
Another disturbing sign is different sexual behavior. He will try new tricks on you to master them and see your reaction before demonstrating that to his mistress. Who could think!
He will ask weird questions about your whereabouts and plans, a type of questions he never asked before. He needs this information to minimize chances being caught or get a call from you in the middle of the process.
He may have strange reaction when you ask a spontaneous questions about his plans and whereabouts, particularly when you catch him unprepared.
Now that you have seen warning signs of infidelity you are likely to feel very confused and uncomfortable. This unpleasant feeling will persist unless you know where you both stand without any doubt.
If you have good nerves you can uncover lies with Dr. David Lieberman’s psychological technique called conundrum. It’s a way of asking a question with purpose to uncover lies or confirm someone’s innocence. Ironically, this technique involves lying. You introduce a made-up fact and see how he handles it.
Dr. Lieberman gave an example of a woman who suspects that her husband was not out at the movies with his friends, as he said, but with his secretary. So instead of asking him directly she says, “Oh, I heard that the traffic was all backed up because of a car accident right outside the theater.” Dr. Liberman proceeds to say:
Now all she has to do is to sit back and watch how he responds.
This is because her husband is faced with an obvious conundrum. If he wasn’t at the movies, he doesn’t know whether to acknowledge that there was an accident because there might not have been one. And if he says that there wasn’t much traffic and there was, then she’ll also know he wasn’t really at the movies. But regardless of his answer, he will do the one thing that every liar does when confronted with conundrum: He will hesitate – deciding how to answer.
Finally, Dr Lieberman reminds,
It’s all about details. The more detailed he is the more you can believe in what he is saying. Made-up stories often have huge gaps and are very vague and abstract. How specific is his story?
If you don’t like idea of lying to uncover lies, find a way to ask about little details and watch his reaction.
Some sites will recommend you to watch his body language. We wrote a lot about this subject here; body language of a liar could be something you want to look at. However, we do not recommend that you try to interpret his moves and gestures when trying to decide about important issues like this one. It’s not that easy to read and interpret body language correctly and your emotional state may cause you see signs that aren’t there.
So here are warning signs of infidelity once again:
- he is not being himself anymore,
- he pays more attention to his looks,
- he is trying new tricks in bed,
- he is secretive about his cellphone, his iPad or computer,
- he asks unusual questions about your plans and whereabouts,
- he feels uncomfortable when you ask a spontaneous question about where he is or what he is doing,
- you caught him using conundrum technique.