It may not be easy to be in a relationship with an INTJ — the most independent personality type. INTJs live in their intellectual world and are often unaware of other people’s emotions and feelings. In addition, they prioritize their career and personal development over relationships, so here we are: Not only INTJs don’t get what we feel, they don’t make any special effort to understand us.
INTJs are very private people who are hard to get to know. They don’t share their thoughts or feelings easily and don’t look very approachable. They have incredibly high standards for themselves and those close to them. If their partners fail to live up to these standards, they can become very critical and judgmental.
Having said that, an older INTJ will usually begin to pay more attention to his or her personal relationships and may somewhat soften up. Their partners need to be patient and remember that being romantic and affectionate isn’t natural for this personality type. Demanding to express their feelings will likely annoy them or cause them to distance themselves from their partners even more.
When it comes to relationships, INTJs look for supportive, intellectually stimulating partners who appreciate their intelligence and understand the importance of their work. They want to be with savvy and competent people who don’t waste their time and energy on unnecessary drama. This doesn’t mean that INTJs get along only with their own type. In fact, INTJs may sometimes choose partners with complementary strengths, such as being outgoing and enthusiastic. These partners will help INTJs deal with the outside world and its expectations while they can continue focusing on their projects.
It is important to remember that INTJs have an ideal vision of how their personal relationships should be, and if the reality doesn’t match this expectation, they can become very frustrated. Their partners should be willing to understand this ideal model and work on living up to that standard.
If you aren’t sure about your personality type, you may want to take this test first.
INTJ and ENTJ
Ambitious and career driven ENTJs are some of the most compatible partners for INTJs. They have so much in common: There is so much to discuss and so much to accomplish together. Both partners are highly independent and not particularly emotional. They understand each other’s need to focus on other pursuits and can be very supportive of each other’s work and interests.
Problems may arise if ENTJ partners attempt to control INTJs. ENTJs tend to get excited about their own plans and may sometimes appear bossy and controlling. Although INTJs often have a perfect model for almost everything in their mind, they usually don’t bother to tell others what to do.
Another weak point is their different decision making styles. ENTJs enjoy making fast decisions without overthinking things while INTJs want to collect more data and take their time before arriving to conclusions. This INTJ tendency may frustrate the restless ENTJ, which may cause arguments.
The worst case scenario is when the ENTJ and the INTJ begin to compete with each other, which is likely to become a lovers-turned-enemies case. ENTJs love to compete with other people, but when it comes to their romantic partners, they need someone who fits their overall picture of success without competing or challenging them. If, for some reason, these two begin to compete, it is basically the end of the relationship.
INTJ and INTJ
INTJs are very compatible with their own type for obvious reasons. The two have a similar attitude to life and similar needs when it comes to romance and relationships. One of the INTJ’s most important needs — intellectual stimulation — is fulfilled in this relationship as both partners find each other extremely interesting. Even better, they will give each other plenty of time alone to focus on whatever interests them in the moment without any drama.
Problems may arise because neither partner is particularly flexible. Neither of the two wants to change their plans, and they might spend too much time apart because of their different pursuits. In addition, each partner has their own vision of how things should be and if these two models don’t match, they may become very critical of each other.
INTJ and ENTP
ENTPs are typically smart, savvy and very enthusiastic. The INTJ’s need for intellectual stimulation is satisfied in ENTP/INTJ relationship, and the ENTP has many complementary strengths that can help the INTJ deal with the world more effectively. Moreover, both understand and respect each other’s need for independence.
On the negative side, the INTJ may not be the perfect person to satisfy the ENTP’s need for fun and novelty. Once the initial spark wears off, the ENTP may become bored with the INTJ partner and begin to look for other options. On the other hand, the INTJ may grow tired of the ENTP’s broken promises and unfinished projects.
INTJ and INTP
INTPs and INTJs are similar in many aspects:
- their introversion,
- their love for intellectual stimulation,
- their logical and analytical nature.
Although both aren’t particularly emotionally expressive, the INTP can be very daring and romantic in the beginning of the relationship. It’s not uncommon for a love-struck INTP to become completely irrational in the early stages of the relationship, which brings about a nice and refreshing change in the INTJ’s world. Both partners can be very supportive of each other’s pursuits, and both have no issues with each other’s need for independence.
Disagreements may arise because of their different preference when it comes to planning and actually doing things. The INTP is a much more spontaneous type who tends to begin many new projects but finish only few. The INTJ, on the other hand, hates unfinished projects and wants to plan things in advance. The INTP’s lack of planning and procrastination gets on the INTJ’s nerves, while the INTP begins to feel disappointed by the INTJ’s rigidity and lack of flexibility.
INTJ and ENFJ
Making others feel good is one of the greatest ENFJs skills, but unfortunately the INTJ isn’t the one to appreciate that. Although ENFJs like intellectual stimulation just like INTJs do, they are more of a “feeling” type (F) and may sometimes appear overly sensitive and irrational. Because of this ENFJ tendency, INTJs may not perceive them as their intellectual equals.
Having said that, INTJs can be attracted to ENFJs’ warmth, energy and loyalty. Moreover, ENFJs are very goal oriented and like to stay productive and organized — the qualities INTJs want to see in their partners.
Of course there is a lot of potential for conflict too:
- ENFJs rush to make decisions and act while INTJs think it’s irresponsible and take time to think things over and gather data before making up their mind.
- ENFJs are very emotionally expressive and need constant reassurance of their partners’ love and commitment — something that INTJs aren’t good at.
- ENFJs need to have an active social life, but INTJs are unwilling to join them.
INTJ and INFJ
INTJs and INFJs may bond over their common intellectual pursuits. INFJs want to have someone special as their partner, and savvy and sophisticated INTJs seem just right. INFJs love more than they can express; they have an intense need to love and to be loved. INTJs may become attracted to INFJs’ sincerity and loyalty; intelligent and sensitive INFJs could fit the ideal model of the relationship INTJs typically have in mind.
On top of that, both partners like to stay organized, plan things ahead and share their vision with each other. They are likely to have a great intellectual connection, but the INFJ will be more devoted to the relationship than the INTJ who prioritizes his or her work.
Conflicts may arise if the two partners have different values. Neither of the partners wishes to compromise and both can be quite stubborn. In addition, because the INTJ doesn’t feel comfortable to talk about feelings, the INFJ’s emotional needs are likely to stay unfulfilled.
There is a lot more details on INTJ / INFJ similarities and differences here.
INTJ and ENFP
INTJs and ENFPs don’t have much in common, but sometimes opposites attract and the two may end up together. Considering the ENFP’s romantic nature, this isn’t surprising. The ENFP who is in love with the idea of love tends to fall in love easily; they tend to idealize their partners and overlook their flaws. They can fall in love with anyone, and they definitely can be attracted to intelligent and mysterious INTJs. On the other hand, INTJs can find ENFPs’ unique style very refreshing and amusing. They may become attracted to ENFPs’ humor, playfulness and enthusiastic attitude to life.
With their many differences there is a lot of potential for conflict. To begin with, ENFPs need lots of social stimulation while INTJs belong to the most independent and introverted personality type. INTJs are ambitious and goal-oriented while ENFPs make lots of promises but often end up procrastinating or abandoning their projects altogether. ENFPs fall in love easily, but they also move in and out of relationships easily while INTJs demand loyalty and stability. Also see 10 Ways ENFPs Annoy Others.
INTJ and INFP
INTJ and ESTJ
Stable and reliable ESTJs are a good match for INTJs who want intelligent and organized partners. The INTJ and the ESTJ can do very well together if they learn to respect each other’s opinions and don’t clash over their different points of view.
ESTJs are logical people and don’t place unrealistic expectations on their relationships, which means there will be no unnecessary drama. Both partners are very productive, goal-oriented and very organized. Of course they have their usual introvert / extravert issues, but on the other hand, the ESTJ’s extraversion can help the INTJ to deal with the outside world and focus on his or her pursuits.
INTJ and ISTJ
ISTJs want to marry someone responsible and dependable. They aren’t very compatible with all those spontaneous and original types, but the INTJ is just fine! Sharing three of the four type preferences, they have a lot in common except, perhaps, the INTJ’s imagination and willingness to take risks. Neither of the two partners has a tendency to overreact, and both want to live an organized and predictable life. The ISTJ wants to appear respectable and will take a good care of the house and kids. The INTJ needs someone intelligent and stable — just like the ISTJ!
The two may disagree sometimes because of the ISTJ’s need to follow traditions — something that INTJs don’t concern themselves with. It’s important for the ISTJ to do things “in an appropriate manner” as society expects, but the INTJ may not always cooperate.
INTJ and ESFJ
Generally, ESFJs are extremely caring partners who are very much attuned to the needs of their partners. However, they expect the same level of awareness and caring on the part of their partner (source: Sandra Hirsch, Lifetypes), but INTJs are extremely independent and not exactly romantic. It is highly likely that ESFJs’ emotional needs won’t be met in this relationship, but they will continue to work hard to please their partners despite being disappointed.
On the positive side, the ESFJ is perfect for the INTJ. INTJs admire ESFJs’ warmth and social skills — not only they take a good care of their INTJ partners, they also make their life easier by helping them deal with the outside world. Another big plus is that ESFJs like their lives planned, structured and organized, just like INTJs.
INTJ and ISFJ
When it comes to love and relationships, ISFJs are pretty much like an introverted version of ESFJ (see above) and the issues they have with INTJs are very similar. ISFJs will work hard to satisfy their partners hoping to get the same in return but end up disappointed when absent-minded INTJs can’t meet their emotional needs.
In addition, ISFJs are very conservative and respect traditions while INTJs question everything and couldn’t be bothered with conventions — a tendency that makes ISFJs very uncomfortable.
INTJ and ESTP
These two aren’t exactly a natural match because of their different needs when it comes to relationships. The INTJ is more on a serious introverted side while the ESTP is poor at tolerating boredom and constantly looks for amusement. No doubt, the INTJ is extremely interesting but the ESTP wants someone who is fun to be with, and the INTJ isn’t that type of person.
On the other hand, the ESTP likes challenge and is naturally attracted to independent and somewhat unavailable people — something the INTJ excels at. In addition, the ESTP possesses some qualities the INTJ respects: logical and objective thinking, communication skills, the ESTP’s ability to read people. Despite the two seem like an unlikely match, they still sometimes do end up together.
INTJ and ISTP
These two have some important similarities that could become a solid base for a stable and long-lasting relationship. Both respect each other’s need for privacy and dislike drama and emotional conflict. Both are logical and analytical people and can discuss their issues “on the same level”. Both encourage each other to pursue their interests.
On the negative side, INTJs are future oriented people while ISTPs live in the here and how. This ISTP’s focus on present may irritate the INTJ who wants to plan and build things for the future. Also the ISTP is an outdoor type of person who enjoys physical activity and wants to share these experiences with his or her significant other. Unfortunately, the INTJ is often too busy to join the ISTP, but sharing common interests is extremely important for the ISTP.
INTJ and ESFP
When in relationship with the ESFP, the INTJ faces same issues as with other overly extraverted and outgoing types. The ESFP sees relationships as a form of entertainment, but the INTJ hardly has time for such things. Sure, the ESFP may find it amusing to poke fun at his or her serious INTJ partner in the beginning, encouraging them to loosen up a bit. But things get old fast, especially in the ESFP’s world!
In the beginning stages of the relationship, the two partners may be attracted to their differences: the ESFP may be intrigued by the INTJ’s independence, intelligence and creativity while the INTJ may appreciate the ESFP’s relaxed style and generosity. Later on, they will need to make a considerable effort to make things work between them.
INTJ and ISFP
These two aren’t a bad match, but the ISFP partner is likely to make much more effort in this relationship than the INTJ, which isn’t very satisfying. One of their main differences is their communication style: The INTJ is very direct, even blunt, while the ISFP is naturally nonimposing and gentle. The INTJ is focused on his or her projects while the ISFP is ready to give up things and sacrifice themselves for the sake of the relationship. The ISFP is a people pleaser while the INTJ couldn’t care less.
On the positive side, the INTJ will feel loved and cared for. A relationship with an ISFP feels very stable — something that the INTJ wants. The ISFP may not have his or her emotional needs fully satisfied, but having such an intelligent and successful partner as the INTJ may very well be worth it.
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All posts on personality compatibility can be found here.
All posts on the 16 personalities can be found here.
All posts on the INTJ personality type can be found here.
You may also be interested in the Four Temperaments model.