Intense and compassionate INFJs belong to the rarest personality type (click here for a detailed INFJ profile), but even this personality type has its own weaknesses. Here are some of the most common INFJ mistakes which cause a lot of pain not just to INFJs themselves but to their loved ones as well.
1. Overcommitting
It is hard to find someone more loyal and reliable than INFJs. Once they believe that their work contributes to the general good, they will abandon their dreams and put their whole life on hold to keep doing what they are doing for the sake of the company, customers, children or whatever they are focused on.
Unfortunately for INFJs, people and companies do not always appreciate their sacrifice, nor they always feel the same way about what’s important and how things should be done. Oftentimes INFJs will selflessly work for others and won’t begin to pursue their real dreams until they are forced by circumstances, such as losing their job. Many INFJs end up wasting precious years of their lives serving those who do not appreciate it or even deserve it.
INFJs should realize that not everyone lives according to the same ideals — people and companies have their own agenda and contributing to the greater good is often secondary.
2. Idealizing people
INFJs want to fall in love with someone special; and when they finally find such a person, their feelings are deep and intense. To a certain degree, idealizing our loved ones is normal, but the way INFJs idealize people is unrealistic and unsustainable. By magnifying their partners’ virtues and completely denying their flaws, they set themselves up for disappointment and disillusionment. Another important point INFJs miss is that unless they are narcissists, most people don’t enjoy being lionized and praised for qualities they don’t possess.
INFJs don’t just idealize their romantic partners; they tend to idealize anyone they personally like — their friends, their teachers, their bosses. Because they make their admiration so obvious, people on the receiving end may feel uncomfortable and pressured. Living up to the INFJ standard may seem so hard that some people may begin to avoid them.
3. Self-blame
Whenever something negative happens, particularly in relationships, INFJs tend to blame themselves. While an internal locus of control is associated with a higher productivity and success, when taken too far, it becomes an undeserved blame, which is a form of self-abuse and may require therapy.
Whenever things fail, INFJs obsess about it and their role in the failure. They drive themselves insane by thinking what they should have or shouldn’t have done or said. This holds true even in situations where they don’t have any control over the events; yet, due to INFJ obsessional tendencies, they often end up picking themselves apart and blaming themselves for things they haven’t caused.
4. Single-mindedness
Sometimes INFJs may get so excited about their ideas and vision that they lose grip on reality. They will filter out any information that contradicts their ideal vision and stay committed to their plan beyond a reasonable period of time. Being more realistic, keeping their eyes open, staying flexible and open to other possibilities as well as knowing when to cut their losses can help INFJs become more successful and productive.
5. Avoiding conflict
INFJs are an emotional type, and to many other personality types it may seem like they have a tendency to overreact and exaggerate. Overreacting or not, their feelings are true to INFJs and their suffering is real. INFJs will generally put off confronting people for the sake of harmony causing themselves even more emotional turmoil and suffering. Instead of discussing what bothers them and clearly communicating their needs, they withdraw and sometimes disappear altogether, which of course doesn’t align well with their own idea of peace and harmony.
6. Chronic dissatisfaction
Introspective and philosophically inclined INFJs often seem to suffer from chronic dissatisfaction with life. They keep questioning things, asking themselves how things could be better or more meaningful. It’s a restless feeling of yearning for something better, but they aren’t even sure what it is. Not only this causes an enormous amount of pain to INFJs themselves, but also frustrates their partners and family members who can’t wrap their mind around why INFJs always need to manufacture some sort of crisis. INFJs’ focus on tomorrow and how things could be implies their dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs — realizing that can be very unpleasant for their partners who sincerely want them to be happy.
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