Intense and compassionate INFJs belong to the rarest personality type (click here for a detailed INFJ profile), but even this personality type has its weaknesses.
Here are some of the most common INFJ mistakes which cause a lot of pain not just to INFJs themselves but to their loved ones as well.
1. Overcommitting
It is hard to find someone more loyal and reliable than INFJs.
Once they believe that their work contributes to the general good, they will abandon their dreams and put their whole life on hold.
They will keep doing what they are doing for the sake of the company, customers, children, or whatever they are focused on.
Unfortunately for INFJs, people and companies do not always appreciate their sacrifice.
Nor do they always feel the same way about what’s important and how things should be done.
INFJs will often selflessly work for others and won’t begin to pursue their dreams until they are forced by circumstances, such as losing their job.
Many INFJs end up wasting their precious years serving those who do not appreciate it, or even deserve it.
INFJs should realize that not everyone lives according to the same ideals.
People and companies have their own agenda, and contributing to the greater good is often secondary.
2. Idealizing people
INFJs want to fall in love with someone special; and when they finally find such a person, their feelings are deep and intense.
To a certain degree, idealizing our loved ones is normal, but the way INFJs idealize people is unrealistic and unsustainable.
By magnifying their partners’ virtues and completely denying their flaws, they set themselves up for disappointment and disillusionment.
INFJs don’t realize that unless they are narcissists, most people don’t enjoy being lionized and praised for qualities they don’t possess.
Being praised for something that is not true feels awkward and uncomfortable, but INFJs make the mistake of thinking it must be flattering.
INFJs don’t just idealize their romantic partners; they tend to idealize anyone they personally like — their friends, their teachers, their bosses.
Because they make their admiration so visible, people on the receiving end may feel uncomfortable and pressured.
Living up to the INFJ standard may seem so hard that some people may begin to avoid them.
3. Self-blame
Whenever something negative happens, particularly in relationships, INFJs tend to blame themselves.
Internal locus of control is associated with higher productivity and success.
However, when taken too far, it becomes undeserved blame, which is a form of self-abuse and may require therapy.
Whenever things fail, INFJs obsess about it and their role in the failure.
They drive themselves insane by thinking about what they should have or shouldn’t have done or said.
The same holds true even in situations where they don’t have any control over the events.
Thanks to INFJ obsessional tendencies, people with this personality type often end up picking themselves apart and blaming themselves for things they haven’t caused.
4. Single-mindedness
Sometimes INFJs may get so excited about their ideas and vision that they lose grip on reality.
They will filter out any information that contradicts their ideal vision and stay committed to their plan beyond a reasonable period of time.
Being more realistic, keeping their eyes open, staying flexible and open to other possibilities as well as knowing when to cut their losses can help INFJs become more successful and productive.
5. Avoiding conflict
INFJs are an emotional type, and other types might feel like INFJs tend to overreact and exaggerate.
Overreacting or not, their feelings are true to INFJs, and their suffering is real.
INFJs will generally put off confronting people for the sake of harmony, causing themselves even more emotional turmoil and suffering.
Instead of communicating their needs, they withdraw and sometimes disappear altogether, which of course doesn’t align well with their idea of peace and harmony.
6. Chronic dissatisfaction
Introspective and philosophically inclined INFJs often seem to suffer from chronic dissatisfaction with life.
They keep questioning things, asking themselves how things could be better or more meaningful.
It’s a restless feeling of yearning for something better, but they aren’t even sure what it is.
This dissatisfaction causes an enormous amount of pain to INFJs.
It also frustrates their partners and family members who can’t wrap their mind around why INFJs always need to manufacture some crisis.
INFJs’ focus on tomorrow and on how things could imply their dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs.
Realizing that can be very unpleasant for their partners who sincerely want them to be happy.
All 16 types and a personality test
Image source @jcomp via Freepik
Online CBT Platform to Help Deal with Relationship Problems, Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, and More. Includes professional follow-up by a CBT therapist. Click here to get started.
Follow the author Follow @elgorsvan