6 Mistakes INFJs Make in Life

Intense and compassionate, INFJs belong to the rarest personality type. Click here for a detailed INFJ profile. But even this personality type has its weaknesses. Here are some of the most common INFJ mistakes that cause a lot of pain not only to INFJs themselves but also to their loved ones.

1. Overcommitting

It is hard to find someone more loyal and reliable than an INFJ. Once INFJs believe that their work contributes to something important, they may abandon their own dreams and put their whole life on hold.

They will keep doing what they are doing for the sake of the company, customers, children, or whatever else they are focused on.

Unfortunately for INFJs, people and companies do not always appreciate their dedication. Nor do they always feel the same way about what is important and how things should be done.

INFJs may selflessly work for others and avoid pursuing their own dreams until circumstances force them to change direction, such as losing their job. Many INFJs end up wasting precious years serving those who do not appreciate it or even deserve it.

INFJs should realize that not everyone lives according to the same ideals. People and companies have their own agendas, and contributing to the greater good is often secondary.

2. Idealizing people

INFJs want to fall in love with someone special, and when they finally find such a person, their feelings are deep and intense.

To a certain degree, idealizing our loved ones is normal, but the way INFJs idealize people can be unrealistic and unsustainable. By magnifying their partners’ virtues and completely denying their flaws, they set themselves up for disappointment and disillusionment.

INFJs may not realize that unless someone is narcissistic, most people do not enjoy being lionized and praised for qualities they do not possess.

Being praised for something that is not true feels awkward and uncomfortable, but INFJs may make the mistake of thinking it must be flattering.

INFJs do not just idealize their romantic partners; they may idealize anyone they personally like — their friends, teachers, or bosses. Because they make their admiration so visible, people on the receiving end may feel uncomfortable and pressured.

Living up to the INFJ standard may seem so hard that some people may begin to avoid them.

3. Self-blame

Whenever something negative happens, especially in relationships, INFJs tend to blame themselves.

Internal locus of control is associated with higher productivity and success. However, when taken too far, it can turn into undeserved blame, which is a form of self-abuse and may be worth addressing seriously.

Whenever things fail, INFJs may obsess over what happened and their role in the failure. They wear themselves out thinking about what they should or should not have done or said.

The same can happen even in situations where they have no control over the events. Thanks to INFJ obsessive tendencies, people with this personality type often end up picking themselves apart and blaming themselves for things they did not cause.

4. Single-mindedness

Sometimes INFJs may get so excited about their ideas and vision that they lose their grip on reality.

They may filter out any information that contradicts their ideal vision and stay committed to their plan beyond a reasonable point.

Being more realistic, keeping their eyes open, staying flexible, remaining open to other possibilities, and knowing when to cut their losses can help INFJs become more successful and productive.

5. Avoiding conflict

INFJs are an emotional type, and other types may feel that INFJs tend to overreact or exaggerate.

Overreacting or not, their feelings are real to them, and their suffering is real too.

INFJs will generally put off confronting people for the sake of harmony, causing themselves even more emotional turmoil and suffering. Instead of communicating their needs, they withdraw and sometimes disappear altogether, which, of course, does not align well with their idea of peace and harmony.

6. Chronic dissatisfaction

Introspective and philosophically inclined INFJs often seem to suffer from chronic dissatisfaction with life.

They keep questioning things and asking themselves how life could be better or more meaningful. It is a restless feeling of yearning for something better, even when they are not sure what that “something” is.

This dissatisfaction can cause an enormous amount of pain to INFJs. It can also frustrate their partners and family members, who may not understand why INFJs always seem to need some kind of crisis or deeper problem to solve.

The INFJ focus on tomorrow and on how things could be improved may imply dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs. Realizing this can be very unpleasant for their partners, who sincerely want them to be happy.

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