When Your Partner Is in Prison: Coping With the Shock

Very few things can be more traumatic for you and your children than having your partner in prison. In this article, we are going to look at some of the emotional challenges you may be facing and give you useful links to support groups where you can talk to people who are in the same situation.

Support from others is one of the keys to coping with almost any emotional problem, and you should take advantage of online communities built to help families deal with this kind of change.

How does it feel to have your partner in prison?

Needless to say, different people in different situations will feel very differently. There are so many things to consider.

>How you feel will depend on the accusation and whether or not you believe your partner actually did what they are accused of. Not all accusations will have the same effect on you. Quite obviously, if your partner was arrested for not paying taxes, you will feel very differently than if they were arrested for murder or sexual assault.

Another factor that will significantly affect your reaction is your relationship with your partner. Do you love them? Or were you already just tolerating them because you did not know any better, and now you have to deal with this too?

Whatever the situation is, you probably cannot change much about the legal process itself. It will be whatever it is going to be. What you absolutely have to do is take good care of yourself and your children.

Where to look for support

Not many people can understand your situation. You may find yourself lying about what happened, perhaps telling everyone that your partner has traveled abroad for work for a while. This may include your closest friends and family, and even your children.

The problem with lies is that when you give false explanations for your partner’s absence, you also cut yourself off from support. You bottle up your emotions, carry everything alone, and end up feeling even worse.

Support services for prisoners’ families change over time, so it is always worth checking what is available in your country or region. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find help through:

• national helplines for families of prisoners,
• charities that support prisoners’ families,
• visitor centers connected to specific prisons,
• local counseling services,
• private online groups for partners and families of prisoners.

If you are in the UK, organizations such as the Prisoners’ Families Helpline, Pact, Partners of Prisoners, and Families Outside may be useful places to start.

If you are in the US, Prison Families Alliance may be worth checking. You can also search for local organizations in your state, since prison rules and family services vary a lot from place to place.

Online communities can also be helpful, but be careful with privacy. Before joining a Facebook group, forum, or Reddit community, check whether your activity can be seen by people you know. If you are not ready for others to know what happened, use privacy settings carefully and avoid posting identifying details.

Managing stress

No matter how much support you receive, life is not going to be easy for a while. You need to take very good care of yourself, not just for yourself but for your children too. Here are some tips that can help you manage stress and avoid a nervous breakdown:

• Eat well. You may have no appetite, but you cannot survive without food. Eat fruits and vegetables, and eat as healthily as you possibly can. This time, it is not about losing weight. It is about helping your body function properly while you are under stress.
• Exercise. Exercise, especially cardio exercise, is an excellent stress reliever. Exercising in a group, such as attending a class at your gym, can be especially helpful. When you follow a cardio class, you cannot think of much besides what you are doing right now. You are in the moment, and your mind gets a chance to rest. In addition, exercise makes us feel physically and mentally stronger. Even if you have never exercised before, give it a try. You may be amazed by what it can do.
• Use self-hypnosis or guided relaxation to relax. Relaxation recordings, breathing exercises, or self-hypnosis may help you calm down and cope better. They will not solve the situation, of course, but they can give your mind and body a break when everything feels too heavy.
• Preserve your routine. Try to preserve the same routine you had before the arrest, both for yourself and your children. Routine can be incredibly calming. It sends the message that some things are still normal and predictable. Do not underestimate the power of routine, especially when it comes to children.
• Continue living. There is no other option. No matter how you feel, you have to put one step in front of the other. Time heals, and this too shall pass.

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