Well-Wisher or Narcissist? People Who Feed Off Drama

There is a certain type of person who seems exceptionally kind and caring at first.

They will listen to you go on and on about your problems, offer solutions, and even call later to check on you. This may seem like a dream come true. Your life may not be perfect, but at least you have someone to support you at all times.

But then, you may begin to realize that something is off.

Signs You Are Being Preyed Upon by a Manipulator

• Your “well-wisher” is overly enthusiastic about fixing your problems.
• They seem fascinated by your struggles.
• You feel overwhelmed by unsolicited advice.
• It feels like you do not have privacy anymore.
• They will not allow you to disagree with them.
• They do not want you to accept help from others.
• Despite their friendly front, you can sense that any positive progress irritates them.

What May Be Going On

Your so-called well-wisher may be spending time with you for reasons you would never expect. Here are some possibilities:

• They are seeking attention and admiration.
• They want to control you.
• They may be narcissistic and looking for another person to target.
• They may have “Cluster B” tendencies.

Cluster B personality disorders include:

• Antisocial Personality Disorder;
• Borderline Personality Disorder;
• Histrionic Personality Disorder;
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Cluster B personality disorders are often associated with dramatic, emotional, or unpredictable behavior. People with these traits may seek attention, disregard other people’s feelings, or try to manipulate them [source].

The pleasure a person gets from another person’s misfortune is also called Schadenfreude.

Depending on the situation, your experience may vary in intensity. Not every person who gives unsolicited advice or checks on you more often than you would like has a full-blown personality disorder.

For example, clinical narcissism is actually quite rare, but we all seem to know someone with narcissistic tendencies. Whether it is just an unpleasant personality trait or a real pathology, the underlying theme is often the same:

• their need to feel important;
• their desire to control you.

Your real friends will naturally want to support you, share their thoughts on what you are going through, and maybe even give you advice. Still, their support should not feel intrusive, and you should not feel manipulated.

They will not act as your therapist, and they definitely will not feel disappointed when your problems are solved.

Unhealthy manipulative individuals, on the other hand, may take pleasure in other people’s misfortune and, despite appearances, may not really want them to get better.

Think about it: once your problem is solved, you are less vulnerable, and they lose their power over you. This is why they prey on people who are having a hard time. This is also why it may seem that once you have a problem, you start attracting unhealthy people like a magnet.

Why Some Manipulative People Love Giving Advice

Here is why narcissists and other manipulative types may particularly enjoy advice-giving:

• They believe they are more intelligent, and advising others confirms their superiority, at least in their own eyes.
• They often lack self-awareness, so they cannot see how intrusive or inappropriate their behavior is.
• Once again, there is the issue of control over the other person.

If the individual is truly malicious, they will likely emphasize how much they want to help you and how nice, generous, and smart they are.

This is a big red flag because when somebody is sincere in their efforts to make your life better, they do not have anything to prove. Sincere people consistently show love, support, and kindness without asking for admiration or favors.

Manipulative types, however, know they have a hidden agenda: their desire for praise and admiration. This is why they feel the need to magnify their own “virtues” and make sure you see them.

If the issue you are dealing with seems too big to handle alone, stick to trusted friends and professional help.

When you are going through emotional turmoil, it is better to avoid making new friends or jumping into new romantic relationships simply because you are too vulnerable. Not everybody has your best interests at heart, and when you are going through a hard time, you may not be able to see that clearly.

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