The Triangular Theory of Love in Pictures

Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love is not what one may think. It has nothing to do with love triangles and jealousy; it’s all about different components of love — three of them, to be precise.

If all three components are present, the result is the most complete kind of love in Sternberg’s theory — the ideal a lot of people strive for.

If one or two components are absent, the result is a different type of love. Although these types of love are considered less complete in Sternberg’s theory, they can still be pretty good in some cases, especially if food is involved (not according to Sternberg).

But what are Sternberg’s three components of love? They are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

When all three are present, we have a case of consummate love. According to Sternberg, this type of love represents a relationship in which intimacy, passion, and commitment are all strong. Here is what the consummate love triangle looks like:

According to Sternberg, this is one of the hardest types of love to achieve and can also be difficult to maintain. Once you get there, you need to act on all three components or, in other words, make sure your sweetheart knows and feels how much you like them, how passionate you are about them, and how committed you are to them.

But life is not perfect. On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have non-love, or the absence of all three components.

There is no passion, no flowers, no poems, not even food. This isn’t even a friend zone because there is no intimacy or liking. Basically, nothing to look at.

But if you add just one component — intimacy — we already have something to work with. We have a liking or friendship type of situation. Although we don’t usually think of friendship as romantic love, in Sternberg’s theory it is one of the seven forms of love.

We can hang around together, text each other, and play games just like these two.

This can feel pretty good. You really don’t need that much, do you?

There is another possibility as well: passion without intimacy or commitment. This all-too-familiar type of love is called infatuated love.

Infatuated love is how a lot of relationships start before they progress to something more serious. You might also informally call this stage “puppy love.” When you are in a puppy love stage, you basically eat pasta and don’t think much about anything else.

Finally, there is one more situation where just one component is present — so-called empty love. It is love without passion or intimacy; all we have is commitment.

Basically, you commit first and figure out the rest later. This type of relationship can sometimes be seen in arranged marriages, particularly at the beginning, although arranged marriages can of course develop intimacy and passion over time.

Sternberg called this type “empty love,” but the name doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed. Commitment may be present before the other components develop, and the balance between intimacy, passion, and commitment can change over the course of a relationship.

And here is another familiar type of love — romantic love. However, Sternberg uses this term specifically for a romantic relationship where passion and intimacy are present, but commitment is absent.

You eat watermelons together and wonder where you stand…

Many long-term marriages may resemble companionate love — a situation where intimacy and commitment are present, but passion has faded or is much weaker. The relationship is stronger than friendship because of the long-term commitment between the partners.

As companions, you can do lots of cool stuff together. Like this…

Finally, we have the last type of love — fatuous love. It is a relationship where passion and commitment are present, but intimacy is absent or has not had time to develop.

It might be hard to imagine that type of situation, but think of some “love at first sight” cases. Two people barely know each other, get carried away by passion, and make a serious commitment very quickly. They may or may not develop intimacy — or real liking — later.

And that’s about it for the triangular theory of love. To recap, we have eight situations — non-love and seven types of love. According to Sternberg’s theory, consummate love combines all three components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. The other types contain only one or two of these components.

Now that you know about the seven types of love, you can look at your own relationship and see which components are strongest and which ones might need a little more attention.