Social Media and Relationship Problems: Who’s to Blame?

If your relationship is facing tough challenges because of Facebook or other social networking sites, know that you are not alone. Divorce lawyers began noticing this trend years ago: social media often comes up as evidence in divorce and breakup disputes.

Typically, the evidence may include one or several of the following:

• inappropriate photos posted by partners themselves,
• inappropriate photos of partners posted by other people,
• a change in relationship status from “married” or “in a relationship” to “single,”
• updates to profile fields that suggest romantic availability,
• reconnecting with previous partners on Facebook,
• making new friends on Facebook where a new romantic relationship can start,
• inappropriate comments by partners on other people’s photos or status updates,
• inappropriate comments by others on a partner’s wall, and perhaps inappropriate reactions by the partner themselves.

As you can see, the potential for trouble is huge. But why is that, really? Is it Facebook’s fault, and would we all be better off not using it at all?

Well, while you might be better off without Facebook, Facebook cannot be blamed when your partner is behaving badly. Here is the thing: your partner is who they are. Facebook only makes it easier to see their reality. It does not change them as a person. The only difference is that without Facebook, you probably would not have known.

The basic argument makes sense: Facebook is just a way to communicate, like letters, phone calls, texts, and emails. Facebook does not cause breakups. People do.

Still, social media can make existing problems more visible, more public, and harder to ignore.

Are you stalking them on Facebook?

What you do with this information is up to you, but one thing you should take care of is your own peace of mind. Some people easily become paranoid and start watching their partners, exes, or people they are interested in on Facebook. This is not healthy, and it is not attractive either.

When a relationship is healthy, you do not feel the need to stalk your partner online. If you do, it is usually a sign that something is wrong. If you have doubts, you should either talk to your partner openly about what is bothering you or consider professional help if the anxiety is getting out of control.

Obsessively checking your partner’s every move on Facebook can become a painful habit. It may be hard to admit this to yourself, but many people do it. Breaking the habit takes real discipline, but it is part of behaving like a healthy person in a relationship.

Ruined friendships

Facebook can be a great way to keep in touch with friends, especially those who no longer live in the same city or even the same country. However, it is also possible to lose friends if you are not careful about what you post, what you comment on, and what pages you like.

Facebook has complicated privacy settings, and you should use them. However, settings can change, people can take screenshots, and things do not always work the way you expect them to. Even if you think you are posting privately to a closed circle of friends, it is still better not to post anything too sensitive. Once something is online, you are never fully in control of where it may end up.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Facebook decides what your friends see. You may share a link or post an update, but not all of your friends will see it. You might get upset with someone for not reacting when, in reality, they never saw your post in the first place. Social media gives the illusion that everyone is seeing everything, but that is not how it works.

Conclusion

Facebook is just a tool for communicating with other people, and it cannot be blamed for your relationship problems. It cannot ruin a healthy relationship by itself, but if you or your partner are not careful, it can certainly speed up a breakup.

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