How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

As time goes on, a narcissistic partner may gradually lose interest in you. They may already be grooming a new source of attention, or perhaps they are looking for one. To protect their ego, they may choose the most painful way to abandon you.

Hurt and confused, you may begin to realize that many of their promises never made sense. You may begin to understand how they sold you fantasies of a perfect relationship and flattered you to win access to your heart — and perhaps your home and money.

At this point, some victims of narcissistic abuse may begin to think about revenge. Wanting to make a narcissist miserable is understandable, but staying emotionally invested in them after the relationship ends can keep you trapped in the same painful cycle.

When dealing with narcissists, it helps to remember that your attention is valuable to them. Attention, admiration, emotional reactions, and control are all part of what is often called narcissistic supply. Once you withdraw your attention and move on with your life, the narcissist may feel frustrated because they have lost that source of supply.

This is why the No Contact rule can be so effective. When done for the right reasons, it can help victims recover while also denying the narcissist the attention they want.

No Contact may involve:

• avoiding any contact with the narcissist;
• blocking the narcissist’s text messages;
• blocking them on social media;
• avoiding mutual friends the narcissist may use to reach you;
• making sure they cannot find you in other ways, such as showing up at your workplace or waiting outside your home.

You can find more details on this strategy here.

While withdrawing your attention is probably the most effective way to make a narcissist miserable, it is not healthy to focus on their misery. You have better questions to ask and better things to do.

Stop focusing on the narcissist and decide that from now on, your own recovery will become your priority. Focus on healing and building a new life without them.

Here is what you can do:

1. Build a support network of people who sincerely want to see you doing well.
2. Focus on the outside world. Too much introspection can lead to overthinking and may cause you to draw the wrong conclusions.
3. Exercise to relieve stress and rebuild confidence.
4. Work with a mental health professional to work through the damaging beliefs the narcissist left you with.
5. Find a new hobby. Now that you no longer have to walk on eggshells trying to please the narcissist, you have more time for yourself. A new hobby can help redirect your mind away from painful thoughts.

If you really want to make a narcissist miserable, resist the urge to reconnect with them. Build healthier relationships, stay busy, and keep your attention away from the person who hurt you.

Now that you no longer have to worry about pleasing the narcissist, you can finally focus on yourself. It might be a good time to do some of the things you have always wanted to do. Is there something special you want to see or experience? Is there something you never had the chance to try? This may be a good time to do it.

Some people make the mistake of jumping into a new romantic relationship before they have fully recovered. They may believe it is a good way to distract themselves or make their narcissistic ex jealous.

However, this can leave you even more confused and bring unnecessary drama into your new relationship. On top of that, your new partner may eventually resent being used as a way to get back at the narcissist.

You can read more about narcissists and narcissistic abuse here.