As time goes on, your narcissistic partner is likely to gradually lose interest in you. They may be already grooming a new victim or perhaps looking for one. To please their ego, they may have chosen the most heartbreaking way to abandon you.
Hurt and confused, you may begin to realize how nothing of their promises made sense. You may begin to understand how they fed you fantasies of a perfect relationship and flattered you to gain access to your heart and, perhaps, your home and your wallet.
At this point, some victims of narcissistic abuse may begin to entertain thoughts of revenge. While wanting to make a narcissist miserable is natural for many, being so emotionally involved even when the relationship is over is very concerning.
When dealing with narcissists, you need to remember that they are very similar to drug addicts, but their drug isn’t cocaine — it’s your attention. Once you withdraw your attention and move on with your life, the narcissist will feel miserable because they lost their source of narcissistic supply.
Known as “The No Contact Rule”, this strategy is highly effective. When done for the right reasons, it’s healthy for victims and highly frustrating to narcissists. It involves
- Avoiding any contact with the narcissist
- Blocking the narcissist’s text messages
- Blocking them on social media
- Avoiding common friends
- Making sure they cannot find you in other ways, such as showing up at your workplace or waiting near your home
You can find more details on this strategy here.
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While withdrawing your attention is the most effective way to make a narcissist miserable, it’s unhealthy to focus on that. You have better questions to ask and better things to do.
Stop focusing on the narcissist and decide that from now on, you will become your priority. Focus on healing and building your new life without the narcissist.
Here’s what you could do:
1. Build a support network of people who sincerely want to see you doing well.
2. Focus on the outside world. Too much introspection may lead to overthinking and eventually arriving to the wrong conclusions.
3. Exercise to relieve stress and increase confidence.
4. Work with a mental health professional to rewrite the scripts written by the narcissist for you.
5. Find a new hobby. Now that you don’t have to walk on eggshells trying to please the narcissist, you have more time for yourself. Get a new hobby to divert the mind from negative thoughts.
If you really want to make a narcissist miserable, you need to resist the urge to reconnect with the narcissist by building healthy relationships and keeping yourself distracted.
Now that you don’t have to worry about pleasing the narcissist, you can finally please yourself. It might be a good time to check off some items on your bucket list. Is there something special you want to see or to do? Is there something you always wanted to experience but never had a chance? It could be a good idea to do it now!
Some people make the mistake of jumping into new romantic relationships before they are completely recovered. They believe it’s a good way to distract themselves and to tease their narcissistic exes.
However, this can make you even more confused and add unnecessary drama to your new relationship. On top of that, your new partner will likely resent you for using them to get back at the narcissist.
You can read more about narcissists and narcissistic abuse here.